Post your corny jokes - Page 1317

Aaron · March 12th, 2018, 11:39 PM

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummi bear.

**bfg9000** · March 13th, 2018, 01:04 AM

Imaginary New Condom Brands:

Nike condoms - Just do it.

Toyota condoms - Oh what a feeling.

Pringles condoms - Once you pop, you can't stop.

KFC condoms - Finger-lickin' good.

J Ford condoms - The best never rest.

Bounty condoms - The quicker picker-upper.

Energizer condoms -It keeps going and going and going.

M & M's condoms -It melts in your mouth, not in your hands.

Star Trek condoms - To boldly go where no man has gone before.

Why are condoms like cameras? - they both capture the moment.

**bfg9000** · March 13th, 2018, 01:33 AM

15 Female Thoughts:

1. Aspire to be Barbie - the bitch has everything.

2. If the shoe fits - buy them in every color.

3. Take life with a pinch of salt... A wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila..

4. In need of a support group? - Cocktail hour with the girls!

5. Go on the 30 day diet. (I'm on it and so far I've lost 15 days).

6. When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.

7. Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just your personality.

8. I know I'm in my own little world, but it's OK.They know me here.

9. Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

10. Don't get your knickers in a knot, it solves nothing and makes you walk funny.

11. When life gives you lemons in 2009 - turn it into lemonade then mix it with vodka.

12. Remember where ever there is a good looking, sweet, single or married man there is some woman tired of his bullshit!

13. Keep your chin up, only the first 40 years of parenthood are the hardest.

14. If it has tires or testicles it's gonna give you trouble.

15. By the time a women realizes her mother was right, she has a daughter who thinks she's wrong.

**mrfixit** · March 13th, 2018, 04:54 PM

Attempted theft....
I've just pulled up in my driveway to see some thieving lowlife leg it and jump over my back fence. Think the piece of shit was after the Golf cart!
My wife must have put up a good fight though because she's lost most of her clothes, is drenched in sweat and can hardly walk.

**mrfixit** · March 13th, 2018, 07:08 PM

Two drunks realize that they are sobering up and only have $1.25 between them. So, they buy a hot dog from a hot dog stand and go into the next bar.
They do shot after shot until the bartender demands that they pay up. The drunk with the hot dog opens his zipper and puts it through the opening. The other drunk gets down and starts sucking on it. The bartender throws them out.
The drunks go to several bars with this routine until they are beyond drunk.
“Man,” one of the drunks says, “that hot dog trick worked great.”
“Actually,” the second drunk says, “I ate the hot dog at the second bar.”

**gedly** · March 13th, 2018, 10:07 PM

So I had sex with a pig, do I really need to boar you with the details?

Aaron · March 13th, 2018, 11:43 PM

I got an ad in the mail for the DVD Joanna Lumley's Greek Odyssey.

DON'T BUY IT! She just travels around.

**Mal Hombre** · March 14th, 2018, 09:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gedly

So I had sex with a pig, do I really need to boar you with the details?

Don't hog the limelight..Who squealed..

**effCup** · March 14th, 2018, 09:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gedly

I had sex with a pig

Was it the one that went wee, wee, wee, wee, wee all the way home?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mal Hombre

Who squealed..

Was it the one...

**rosestone** · March 14th, 2018, 09:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mal Hombre

Don't hog the limelight..Who squealed..

It was obvious to everyone who he was porking......

March 13th, 2018, 01:04 AM	#13162
bfg9000 Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: In between Shirley Manson's thighs mostly Posts: 683 Thanks: 11,930 Thanked 7,322 Times in 645 Posts	Imaginary New Condom Brands: Nike condoms - Just do it. Toyota condoms - Oh what a feeling. Pringles condoms - Once you pop, you can't stop. KFC condoms - Finger-lickin' good. J Ford condoms - The best never rest. Bounty condoms - The quicker picker-upper. Energizer condoms -It keeps going and going and going. M & M's condoms -It melts in your mouth, not in your hands. Star Trek condoms - To boldly go where no man has gone before. Why are condoms like cameras? - they both capture the moment. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. ] To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. "I am the head of my state, the minister of my own church" --- Shirley Manson "I am immortal now so watch out you freaks!"--- Shirley Manson

March 13th, 2018, 01:33 AM	#13163
bfg9000 Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: In between Shirley Manson's thighs mostly Posts: 683 Thanks: 11,930 Thanked 7,322 Times in 645 Posts	15 Female Thoughts: 1. Aspire to be Barbie - the bitch has everything. 2. If the shoe fits - buy them in every color. 3. Take life with a pinch of salt... A wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.. 4. In need of a support group? - Cocktail hour with the girls! 5. Go on the 30 day diet. (I'm on it and so far I've lost 15 days). 6. When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with it. 7. Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just your personality. 8. I know I'm in my own little world, but it's OK.They know me here. 9. Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself. 10. Don't get your knickers in a knot, it solves nothing and makes you walk funny. 11. When life gives you lemons in 2009 - turn it into lemonade then mix it with vodka. 12. Remember where ever there is a good looking, sweet, single or married man there is some woman tired of his bullshit! 13. Keep your chin up, only the first 40 years of parenthood are the hardest. 14. If it has tires or testicles it's gonna give you trouble. 15. By the time a women realizes her mother was right, she has a daughter who thinks she's wrong. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. ] To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. "I am the head of my state, the minister of my own church" --- Shirley Manson "I am immortal now so watch out you freaks!"--- Shirley Manson

March 13th, 2018, 04:54 PM	#13164
mrfixit Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Elm Street Posts: 9,401 Thanks: 165,843 Thanked 114,822 Times in 9,416 Posts	Attempted theft.... I've just pulled up in my driveway to see some thieving lowlife leg it and jump over my back fence. Think the piece of shit was after the Golf cart! My wife must have put up a good fight though because she's lost most of her clothes, is drenched in sweat and can hardly walk. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?

March 13th, 2018, 07:08 PM	#13165
mrfixit Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Elm Street Posts: 9,401 Thanks: 165,843 Thanked 114,822 Times in 9,416 Posts	Two drunks realize that they are sobering up and only have $1.25 between them. So, they buy a hot dog from a hot dog stand and go into the next bar. They do shot after shot until the bartender demands that they pay up. The drunk with the hot dog opens his zipper and puts it through the opening. The other drunk gets down and starts sucking on it. The bartender throws them out. The drunks go to several bars with this routine until they are beyond drunk. “Man,” one of the drunks says, “that hot dog trick worked great.” “Actually,” the second drunk says, “I ate the hot dog at the second bar.” __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Where's my Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator?

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March 12th, 2018, 11:39 PM	#13161
Aaron Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2014 Location: U.S. of A. Posts: 206 Thanks: 6,639 Thanked 2,740 Times in 201 Posts	What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummi bear.

March 13th, 2018, 10:07 PM	#13166
gedly Veteran Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 3,234 Thanks: 19,883 Thanked 69,310 Times in 3,171 Posts	So I had sex with a pig, do I really need to boar you with the details?

March 13th, 2018, 11:43 PM	#13167
Aaron Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2014 Location: U.S. of A. Posts: 206 Thanks: 6,639 Thanked 2,740 Times in 201 Posts	I got an ad in the mail for the DVD Joanna Lumley's Greek Odyssey. DON'T BUY IT! She just travels around.