Post your corny jokes - Page 1403

**dbailey** · November 13th, 2018, 02:49 PM

Took the Missus out to my favourite bar last week. We we having a quite drink and she leans into my ear and says.......'you see that drunken bastard at the end of the bar?....he asked me to marry him 30 years ago and I turned him down' and I said........'It looks like he still f*cking celebrating!'...................I get out of traction at the end of the month.

**vo1v0d** · November 14th, 2018, 10:01 AM

Authentic schoolboy humour:
Miss, can we have a debate?
What kind of debate?
A mass debate.

MaxJoker · November 14th, 2018, 03:31 PM

What do you get if you cross a road with a chicken ?,

Questioned apparently.

**vo1v0d** · November 15th, 2018, 12:18 AM

The next door neighbours kid lives in a broken home and it is my fault. I gave him a hammer for his birthday.

**blondifan** · November 15th, 2018, 12:36 AM

MaxJoker · November 15th, 2018, 01:21 PM

Why doesn't Jesus like M&M's ? ,

They keep falling through the holes in his hands.

**brk549** · November 15th, 2018, 05:17 PM

This one's probably already on here but I'll refresh it.A guy goes to the hospital bound up so they give him a laxative.It hits him so hard he can't even think about making it to the restroom so he just craps in the bed,a big mess.He's ashamed and doesn't want the nurse to see what he's done so he wads the sheets up and tosses them out the window.They land on a wino down below and he starts flailing around grunting and making moves you wouldn't expect from a wino.Cop walks up and says man what in the world are you doing and the wino says I don't know but I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost.

**vo1v0d** · November 16th, 2018, 10:36 AM

Does your nose run and your feet smell? You're upside down.

**trailmaster** · November 16th, 2018, 01:07 PM

Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy, who has a broken leg. Paddy says, "me feet is freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?" "No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sitting on their beds. "Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both." "Fook off you liar!" "I'll prove it," Murphy says. So he shouts down the stairs, "both of them, Paddy?" "Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?"

MaxJoker · November 16th, 2018, 05:06 PM

A man got run over earlier today by a red lorry then a yellow lorry then a red lorry then a yellow lorry ,

Police informed his family although the Chief Inspector said "There's never an easy way to say this".

November 14th, 2018, 03:31 PM	#14023
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,580 Times in 69,067 Posts	What do you get if you cross a road with a chicken ?, Questioned apparently. __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

November 15th, 2018, 12:36 AM	#14025
blondifan Vintage Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 4,406 Thanks: 55,000 Thanked 60,211 Times in 4,401 Posts	It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas...

November 15th, 2018, 01:21 PM	#14026
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,580 Times in 69,067 Posts	Why doesn't Jesus like M&M's ? , They keep falling through the holes in his hands. __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

November 16th, 2018, 05:06 PM	#14030
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,580 Times in 69,067 Posts	A man got run over earlier today by a red lorry then a yellow lorry then a red lorry then a yellow lorry , Police informed his family although the Chief Inspector said "There's never an easy way to say this". __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

November 13th, 2018, 02:49 PM	#14021
dbailey Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Wharfedale, Yorkshire, UK Posts: 2,298 Thanks: 137,964 Thanked 24,965 Times in 2,218 Posts	Took the Missus out to my favourite bar last week. We we having a quite drink and she leans into my ear and says.......'you see that drunken bastard at the end of the bar?....he asked me to marry him 30 years ago and I turned him down' and I said........'It looks like he still f*cking celebrating!'...................I get out of traction at the end of the month.

November 14th, 2018, 10:01 AM	#14022
vo1v0d Hideous By Nature Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: sarf eeeest lunden Posts: 8,244 Thanks: 42,269 Thanked 60,714 Times in 7,461 Posts	Authentic schoolboy humour: Miss, can we have a debate? What kind of debate? A mass debate.

November 15th, 2018, 12:18 AM	#14024
vo1v0d Hideous By Nature Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: sarf eeeest lunden Posts: 8,244 Thanks: 42,269 Thanked 60,714 Times in 7,461 Posts	The next door neighbours kid lives in a broken home and it is my fault. I gave him a hammer for his birthday.

November 15th, 2018, 05:17 PM	#14027
brk549 Vintage Member Join Date: May 2008 Posts: 1,122 Thanks: 20,220 Thanked 7,178 Times in 1,046 Posts	This one's probably already on here but I'll refresh it.A guy goes to the hospital bound up so they give him a laxative.It hits him so hard he can't even think about making it to the restroom so he just craps in the bed,a big mess.He's ashamed and doesn't want the nurse to see what he's done so he wads the sheets up and tosses them out the window.They land on a wino down below and he starts flailing around grunting and making moves you wouldn't expect from a wino.Cop walks up and says man what in the world are you doing and the wino says I don't know but I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost.

November 16th, 2018, 10:36 AM	#14028
vo1v0d Hideous By Nature Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: sarf eeeest lunden Posts: 8,244 Thanks: 42,269 Thanked 60,714 Times in 7,461 Posts	Does your nose run and your feet smell? You're upside down.

November 16th, 2018, 01:07 PM	#14029
trailmaster Veteran Member Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA Posts: 59,898 Thanks: 1,329,029 Thanked 707,260 Times in 60,072 Posts	Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy, who has a broken leg. Paddy says, "me feet is freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?" "No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sitting on their beds. "Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both." "Fook off you liar!" "I'll prove it," Murphy says. So he shouts down the stairs, "both of them, Paddy?" "Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?"