Post your corny jokes - Page 1279

Aaron · October 27th, 2017, 12:06 PM

Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec was constantly in a hurry, thus gaining the nickname "No Time Toulouse."

**PJayBr** · October 27th, 2017, 02:44 PM

A very shy and reserved couple married and went on honeymoon. Neither had seen the other naked. When the man removed his shirt, his wife commented on the size of his elbows.

"I had elbola as a child."

"Don't you mean ebola?"

"No, elbola, it makes your elbows get big."

Then he took his shoes and socks off, and she commented on the size of his toes.

"I had tolio as a child."

"Don't you mean polio?"

"No, tolio, it makes your toes grow big."

The he took his trousers off, and she commented on the size of his knees.

"I had kneemonia as a child."

"Don't you mean pneumonia?"

"No, kneemonia, it makes your knees grow big."

The he took his underpants off.

"You didn't have dicktheria then?" she asked.

""No," he said, "smallcox..........."

**gedly** · October 27th, 2017, 03:00 PM

So my girlfriend said to me, "I'm really looking for a knight in shining armour". So I replied, "Well, have you tried Yell.com?"

**19gc19** · October 27th, 2017, 04:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rosestone

You're never going toulouse out so long as you know at least one city in France.

...and somebody knows Condom (about 7500 inhabitants... many more if they don't use it I presume)...

**PJayBr** · October 30th, 2017, 10:12 AM

I covered my tackle in black shoe polish this morning!! Then somebody told me I was supposed to turn my clock back.

I hate being dyslexic!!

**photoflex** · October 30th, 2017, 01:13 PM

Isn't nature wonderful?

**photoflex** · October 31st, 2017, 08:03 PM

Costume Party

Host "What are you?"
Me "A harp"
Host "Your costume is too small to be a harp!"

Me "Are you calling me a lyre?"

captain fanta · November 1st, 2017, 10:37 PM

I went to the doctors and told him I had a small mole on the end of my penis. After he examined it he said " the good news is I can remove that for you. The bad news is, I'm going to have to report you to the RSPCA".

**bloke57** · November 5th, 2017, 11:28 PM

The latest celebs to be tainted by the Hollywood sex scandal are Lassie, Skippy and Flipper!

But, reportedly, they are all getting help.

**tun** · November 9th, 2017, 08:24 AM

Very sexist of the political correspondents to keep referring to the resigned minister as Pretty Patel - you don't hear them saying ugly Farage, but perhaps they should.

October 30th, 2017, 01:13 PM	#12786
photoflex Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Location: Location Posts: 3,583 Thanks: 37,920 Thanked 127,768 Times in 3,570 Posts	Isn't nature wonderful? __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I love your thanks, but please thank the original posters first.

October 31st, 2017, 08:03 PM	#12787
photoflex Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Location: Location Posts: 3,583 Thanks: 37,920 Thanked 127,768 Times in 3,570 Posts	Costume Party Host "What are you?" Me "A harp" Host "Your costume is too small to be a harp!" Me "Are you calling me a lyre?" __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I love your thanks, but please thank the original posters first.

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October 27th, 2017, 12:06 PM	#12781
Aaron Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2014 Location: U.S. of A. Posts: 206 Thanks: 6,639 Thanked 2,740 Times in 201 Posts	Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec was constantly in a hurry, thus gaining the nickname "No Time Toulouse."

October 27th, 2017, 02:44 PM	#12782
PJayBr Vintage Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: In front of my PC with my cock in my hand...... Posts: 1,309 Thanks: 41,569 Thanked 13,686 Times in 1,280 Posts	A very shy and reserved couple married and went on honeymoon. Neither had seen the other naked. When the man removed his shirt, his wife commented on the size of his elbows. "I had elbola as a child." "Don't you mean ebola?" "No, elbola, it makes your elbows get big." Then he took his shoes and socks off, and she commented on the size of his toes. "I had tolio as a child." "Don't you mean polio?" "No, tolio, it makes your toes grow big." The he took his trousers off, and she commented on the size of his knees. "I had kneemonia as a child." "Don't you mean pneumonia?" "No, kneemonia, it makes your knees grow big." The he took his underpants off. "You didn't have dicktheria then?" she asked. ""No," he said, "smallcox..........."

October 27th, 2017, 03:00 PM	#12783
gedly Veteran Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 3,234 Thanks: 19,879 Thanked 69,305 Times in 3,171 Posts	So my girlfriend said to me, "I'm really looking for a knight in shining armour". So I replied, "Well, have you tried Yell.com?"

October 30th, 2017, 10:12 AM	#12785
PJayBr Vintage Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: In front of my PC with my cock in my hand...... Posts: 1,309 Thanks: 41,569 Thanked 13,686 Times in 1,280 Posts	I covered my tackle in black shoe polish this morning!! Then somebody told me I was supposed to turn my clock back. I hate being dyslexic!!

November 1st, 2017, 10:37 PM	#12788
captain fanta Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 79 Thanks: 39,751 Thanked 1,012 Times in 75 Posts	I went to the doctors and told him I had a small mole on the end of my penis. After he examined it he said " the good news is I can remove that for you. The bad news is, I'm going to have to report you to the RSPCA".

November 5th, 2017, 11:28 PM	#12789
bloke57 Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2015 Location: Unaffordable housing Posts: 4,923 Thanks: 31,646 Thanked 68,928 Times in 4,921 Posts	The latest celebs to be tainted by the Hollywood sex scandal are Lassie, Skippy and Flipper! But, reportedly, they are all getting help.

November 9th, 2017, 08:24 AM	#12790
tun Veteran Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Posts: 4,724 Thanks: 14,847 Thanked 165,496 Times in 4,743 Posts	Very sexist of the political correspondents to keep referring to the resigned minister as Pretty Patel - you don't hear them saying ugly Farage, but perhaps they should.