Quotes from famous comedians

**ball7** · February 25th, 2018, 10:43 PM

Let us share some of our favorit quotes or jokes from famous or not so famous comedians.

I'm all for ERA. I want to see women equal to men - not so damn superior like they've been.
-Nipsey Russell

When your opponent's sittin' there holdin' all the aces, there's only one thing to do: kick over the table.
-Dean Martin

**guinnessman2001** · February 26th, 2018, 05:55 PM

From Milton Jones.

I was out on police patrol when I came across an African man dancing on the roof of a Ford.

So I radioed in " Zulu Tango Sierra"

edds · February 26th, 2018, 06:58 PM

I was dreaming I was awake and then I woke up and found myself asleep - Stan Laurel

Code:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRJr6Fv44PI

A favourite of mine.

**pharoahegypt** · February 26th, 2018, 08:06 PM

"When I die, tell them my last words were......!" Groucho Marx, iirc?

**Jack Rabbit** · February 26th, 2018, 11:03 PM

"It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth..." - George Burns

**ball7** · February 26th, 2018, 11:15 PM

"Hey, it's not a open forum"
- Don Rickles to a Heckler

**Witness** · February 27th, 2018, 01:39 AM

"I guess I'm one of the only human beings on the planet that can piss off a dolphin."
Robin Williams

**Mister Fide** · February 27th, 2018, 06:13 AM

Jimmy Carr

My best mate's girlfriend is six months pregnant. She said to me, 'Do you want to feel the baby?' On reflection I think she meant on the outside.

Estreeter · February 27th, 2018, 08:37 AM

Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'

Steven Wright

**ball7** · February 27th, 2018, 09:28 PM

The good thing about being a hypocrite is that you get to keep your values
- Alan Alda

February 25th, 2018, 10:43 PM	#1
ball7 Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: MIA Posts: 15,690 Thanks: 66,280 Thanked 209,982 Times in 15,730 Posts	Quotes from famous comedians Let us share some of our favorit quotes or jokes from famous or not so famous comedians. I'm all for ERA. I want to see women equal to men - not so damn superior like they've been. -Nipsey Russell When your opponent's sittin' there holdin' all the aces, there's only one thing to do: kick over the table. -Dean Martin

February 26th, 2018, 06:58 PM	#3
edds Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 252 Thanks: 4,517 Thanked 3,477 Times in 235 Posts	I was dreaming I was awake and then I woke up and found myself asleep - Stan Laurel Code: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRJr6Fv44PI A favourite of mine.

February 26th, 2018, 08:06 PM	#4
pharoahegypt Vintage Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Middle England Posts: 4,491 Thanks: 10,176 Thanked 43,617 Times in 4,154 Posts	"When I die, tell them my last words were......!" Groucho Marx, iirc? __________________ Arguing with a intelligent person is hard; but arguing with a stupid person is impossible!

February 27th, 2018, 08:37 AM	#9
Estreeter *Administrator* Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: The 19th hole Posts: 58,117 Thanks: 449,716 Thanked 896,777 Times in 60,317 Posts	Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.' Steven Wright __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

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February 26th, 2018, 05:55 PM	#2
guinnessman2001 Vintage Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Posts: 1,511 Thanks: 1,870 Thanked 35,421 Times in 1,514 Posts	From Milton Jones. I was out on police patrol when I came across an African man dancing on the roof of a Ford. So I radioed in " Zulu Tango Sierra"

February 26th, 2018, 11:03 PM	#5
Jack Rabbit Vintage Member Join Date: Feb 2012 Posts: 563 Thanks: 8,783 Thanked 7,648 Times in 565 Posts	"It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth..." - George Burns

February 26th, 2018, 11:15 PM	#6
ball7 Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: MIA Posts: 15,690 Thanks: 66,280 Thanked 209,982 Times in 15,730 Posts	"Hey, it's not a open forum" - Don Rickles to a Heckler

February 27th, 2018, 01:39 AM	#7
Witness Vintage Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 3,262 Thanks: 16,791 Thanked 36,051 Times in 3,276 Posts	"I guess I'm one of the only human beings on the planet that can piss off a dolphin." Robin Williams

February 27th, 2018, 06:13 AM	#8
Mister Fide Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Nearly there Posts: 892 Thanks: 23,075 Thanked 17,986 Times in 890 Posts	Jimmy Carr My best mate's girlfriend is six months pregnant. She said to me, 'Do you want to feel the baby?' On reflection I think she meant on the outside.

February 27th, 2018, 09:28 PM	#10
ball7 Veteran Member Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: MIA Posts: 15,690 Thanks: 66,280 Thanked 209,982 Times in 15,730 Posts	The good thing about being a hypocrite is that you get to keep your values - Alan Alda