Twisted sick jokes that`ll send us ALL to hell. - Page 8

MaxJoker · October 10th, 2013, 03:55 PM

They say that continual masturbation ruins your eyesight.

Must be true.

I can't even tell if they're skipping or playing hopscotch anymore.

**sweatyhat** · October 10th, 2013, 05:18 PM

This morning some fit blonde asked for my seat on the bus so I replied, "There's no chance in hell I'm getting up love."
"Why, is it because I'm not pregnant?"
"No love, it's because this is a wheelchair."

I saw some guy picking on a spastic in the pub earlier so I said,"Right mate, you, me, let's take it outside."
So we picked up the spaz and chucked him out the door.

MaxJoker · October 10th, 2013, 07:42 PM

Said to my wife this morning "I never thought i'd see the day when our little girl had a larger bra size than you !"

Which on reflection probably wasn`t the best thing to say ,as they wheeled her back into the ward after a double mastectomy.

**sweatyhat** · October 10th, 2013, 09:02 PM

It's been a great relief, our incontinent grandad developing alzheimers.
Some days, he forgets to shit himself.

I'm in some serious trouble today, after having sex with the wife's Mum in the shower.
I've got the lid stuck up my arse.

MaxJoker · October 11th, 2013, 04:26 PM

My wife caught me pulling faces at her behind her back today.

Sneaky bitch had fitted mirrors to her wheelchair.

What's the best way to kill a child ?

Release Baby P's mother from prison.

**sweatyhat** · October 13th, 2013, 06:47 AM

I hear that Councils could run out of space for graves in less than ten years!
Perhaps they should move to burials at sea, it seems to be very popular for the North African countries.

MaxJoker · October 13th, 2013, 02:50 PM

I couldn't believe the the size of my baby boy's penis when he was born.

It was so big the jealous Asian doctor even forced me to cut it in half !.

**sweatyhat** · October 13th, 2013, 04:14 PM

Paul McCartney poem-: We lay upon the grassy bank, my hands were all a quiver,
I slowly undid her suspender belt and her leg fell in the river.

He's about as innocent-looking as Michael Jackson stood in Mothercare with his bell-end in his hand.

.

**rockernut** · October 13th, 2013, 10:02 PM

Two pathologists having a pint after work;

'Got the corpse of a 93 year old woman today, she had a clitoris like a cornichon'

'What, that big ?'

'No, but that salty.'

MaxJoker · October 14th, 2013, 01:18 PM

Dr.Seus just released a new book for children about a man that gets blamed for lots of crimes.

He calls it "The black in the hat"

It was reported today the American flag on the moon has turned yellow due to the exposure of solar radiation.

That's great.

Now France can claim that they've landed there.

Women are supposed to love a strong man with feminine traits,

But you just try including the fact you`ve sucked a cock or two in your wedding vows and she how quickly she turns on you !.

October 10th, 2013, 03:55 PM	#71
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,560 Times in 69,067 Posts	They say that continual masturbation ruins your eyesight. Must be true. I can't even tell if they're skipping or playing hopscotch anymore. __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

October 10th, 2013, 05:18 PM	#72
sweatyhat Woodwose Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: In the mud and rain Posts: 10,869 Thanks: 97,859 Thanked 187,912 Times in 10,563 Posts	This morning some fit blonde asked for my seat on the bus so I replied, "There's no chance in hell I'm getting up love." "Why, is it because I'm not pregnant?" "No love, it's because this is a wheelchair." I saw some guy picking on a spastic in the pub earlier so I said,"Right mate, you, me, let's take it outside." So we picked up the spaz and chucked him out the door. __________________

October 10th, 2013, 07:42 PM	#73
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,560 Times in 69,067 Posts	Said to my wife this morning "I never thought i'd see the day when our little girl had a larger bra size than you !" Which on reflection probably wasn`t the best thing to say ,as they wheeled her back into the ward after a double mastectomy. __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

October 10th, 2013, 09:02 PM	#74
sweatyhat Woodwose Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: In the mud and rain Posts: 10,869 Thanks: 97,859 Thanked 187,912 Times in 10,563 Posts	It's been a great relief, our incontinent grandad developing alzheimers. Some days, he forgets to shit himself. I'm in some serious trouble today, after having sex with the wife's Mum in the shower. I've got the lid stuck up my arse. __________________

October 11th, 2013, 04:26 PM	#75
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,560 Times in 69,067 Posts	My wife caught me pulling faces at her behind her back today. Sneaky bitch had fitted mirrors to her wheelchair. What's the best way to kill a child ? Release Baby P's mother from prison. __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

October 13th, 2013, 06:47 AM	#76
sweatyhat Woodwose Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: In the mud and rain Posts: 10,869 Thanks: 97,859 Thanked 187,912 Times in 10,563 Posts	I hear that Councils could run out of space for graves in less than ten years! Perhaps they should move to burials at sea, it seems to be very popular for the North African countries. __________________

October 13th, 2013, 02:50 PM	#77
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,560 Times in 69,067 Posts	I couldn't believe the the size of my baby boy's penis when he was born. It was so big the jealous Asian doctor even forced me to cut it in half !. __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

October 13th, 2013, 04:14 PM	#78
sweatyhat Woodwose Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: In the mud and rain Posts: 10,869 Thanks: 97,859 Thanked 187,912 Times in 10,563 Posts	Maestro Roy 'Chubby' Brown Paul McCartney poem-: We lay upon the grassy bank, my hands were all a quiver, I slowly undid her suspender belt and her leg fell in the river. He's about as innocent-looking as Michael Jackson stood in Mothercare with his bell-end in his hand. . __________________

October 13th, 2013, 10:02 PM	#79
rockernut Veteran Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Stockholm, Sweden Posts: 6,958 Thanks: 69,662 Thanked 73,320 Times in 6,969 Posts	Two pathologists having a pint after work; 'Got the corpse of a 93 year old woman today, she had a clitoris like a cornichon' 'What, that big ?' 'No, but that salty.'

October 14th, 2013, 01:18 PM	#80
MaxJoker Beloved Brother Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Cemetery Gardens_Arterial Blood Lane_Rampton Secure Unit_Extra Violent F Wing_Cell 19 Posts: 69,106 Thanks: 372,713 Thanked 987,560 Times in 69,067 Posts	Dr.Seus just released a new book for children about a man that gets blamed for lots of crimes. He calls it "The black in the hat" It was reported today the American flag on the moon has turned yellow due to the exposure of solar radiation. That's great. Now France can claim that they've landed there. Women are supposed to love a strong man with feminine traits, But you just try including the fact you`ve sucked a cock or two in your wedding vows and she how quickly she turns on you !. __________________ My hypocrisy only goes so To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

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