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Old March 18th, 2017, 11:05 PM   #3371
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Wish granted, but the computer is also loaded with spyware and viruses, sends your credit card info to a gambling addict in Las Vegas, and sends emails to the White House threatening a presidential assassination. You are arrested, and with all your money gone, are forced to use a public defender at your trial, and you are sentenced to life in prison in Leavenworth.

I wish I was 30 years old and a star player for the Washington Nationals.
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Old March 19th, 2017, 03:27 PM   #3372
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Granted. But while going up for a rebound, you and your opponent come down hard and he falls on you and your right knee bends at a 90 degree angle to the left. Your knee is shredded like so much tissue paper that it takes three years of rehab to be able to walk without support.
OK, let's fix this. While rounding second, you trip over the bag, bending your right knee at a 90 degree angle to the left. Your knee is shredded like so much tissue paper that it takes three years of rehab to be able to walk without support.

I wish for a modicum of sanity at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
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Last edited by tygrkhat40; March 19th, 2017 at 03:41 PM.. Reason: bigtrain reminded me the Nationals are a baseball team, not basketball.
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Old March 20th, 2017, 09:39 PM   #3373
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Originally Posted by tygrkhat40 View Post
I wish for a modicum of sanity at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
Granted. But your modicum of sanity has no impact on a hogshead of batshit crazy.
I wish to ride a dinosaur whilst playing the kazoo.
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Old March 20th, 2017, 09:49 PM   #3374
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Originally Posted by loosegoose View Post
I wish to ride a dinosaur whilst playing the kazoo.
Granted. You are transported back in time with your little kazoo in your warm palm.

But you find that, unbeknown to palaeontologists, dinosaurs are both intelligent and musically sophisticated. In fact there are several dinosaur string quartets vying for top artistic credibility.



As a result, you are considered a sad, moronic lesser species and are confined to an institution - where you are subject to invasive experiments for the rest of your natural life.

I wish I could get rid of this cold, sore throat and cough I've had for a month.
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Old March 21st, 2017, 12:25 PM   #3375
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Wish granted. You're digging in your vegetable garden and your hoe hits something metallic. You dig it up and it is an old style metal lamp. You hold it in your hand and rub it and out pops a genie who grants you one wish. You wish for the end of your very bad cold and cough. The genie says "wish granted" and the lamp and the genie disappear and you do too. You wake up, but something is weird. You seem kind of small and furry. Then you see others of your kind. You're a quokka on Rottnest Island 18 kilometers off the coast of the city of Perth, Australia. Quokkas don't get colds.

I wish for a new laptop with Windows 7 installed and a new printer.
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Old March 23rd, 2017, 11:20 PM   #3376
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Wish granted, but it comes with the Escher Epilepsy theme installed.

After 2 minutes of staring at flashing GIFs and bitmaps full of strange optical illusions, you start to shake and drool.

You fall to the floor and lay there for some time before being found and rushed to the hospital. Permanent damage has been done to your brain, and now you have a fit every time you see a barber pole or a flashing neon sign.

Your wife moves you into an assisted living facility where there are porn filters on all of the computers.

I wish for a delicious meal of BBQ ribs served on a platter made of solid gold.
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Old March 24th, 2017, 08:46 PM   #3377
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Wish granted, but the gold is contaminated with botulism, and the bbq is undercooked and you also contract salmonella. After shitting yourself down to 110 pounds, you disappear down the drain during your next shower, wind up in the ocean, and are swallowed whole by a great white shark.

I wish I owned one of the original 6 Cobra Daytona Coupes, got to race it at vintage events all over the world for a year, then sell it for $20 million dollars, so I can live like a king for the rest of my life.

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Old March 27th, 2017, 02:25 PM   #3378
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Wish granted, however, the coupe you got was left in a warehouse and forgotten and now it is just a rusted hulk:





I wish I had a secret identity.
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Old March 27th, 2017, 03:08 PM   #3379
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Wish granted, you now have a secret identity, so secret in fact that even you do not know who you are. You live hereafter without a name.

I wish I could suck up semen with my cock, so I could cum all over a gorgeous pair of tits, suck it up then cum again all over her face.
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Old March 27th, 2017, 06:51 PM   #3380
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Wish granted, but being the curious type, you try to suck up other stuff with your dick as well.

One day, you try sucking up a strand of spaghetti. But your dick can't spit it back out. It jams up your urethra and sperm tubes.

Later, you decide to try pissing it out. But it is jammed up so bad the piss pressure ruptures your prostate gland and splits your urethra.

Screaming in pain, with droplets of blood oozing out of your dickhole around the jam, you stagger out to your car and make a run for the emergency room. But the pain is so bad your eyes are totally teared up, and your motor control is shot.

Crossing into an intersection against the red, you are totaled by a truck full of Eureka vacuum cleaners. The irony...

I wish every time I took out my dick in front of a pretty woman she would become spellbound by its appearance and feel an overwhelming compulsion to caress it and suck on it.
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