Post your corny jokes - Page 938

**SanteeFats** · March 27th, 2015, 09:30 PM

So when my son was young and I wanted some holes dug for tomato's I told him that Santa Claus was buried in the back yard. I got to plant my tomato's and some other plants too.

**gedly** · March 28th, 2015, 12:36 AM

We've just papered out living room walls with application forms. It ticks all the right boxes.

**Mal Hombre** · March 28th, 2015, 09:22 AM

I just lined my underpants with insurance policies,Now My ass is covered..

**retroanalyst** · March 28th, 2015, 01:33 PM

They say the one thing you can't buy is taste.

Especially at McDonald's.

**seany65** · March 28th, 2015, 08:17 PM

I used to think God was a Mancunian, but then I realised that if He was, He would've put the scousers further away.

**Mal Hombre** · March 28th, 2015, 08:35 PM

I was just attacked by a depressed ursine creature,It was a BiPolar bear...

**photoflex** · March 28th, 2015, 11:33 PM

@robinince
I have decided to put the clocks ahead by 40 hours instead of 1, just so i don't have to bother doing it again for the rest of my life.

**captpike** · March 29th, 2015, 02:35 AM

Senility
An elderly man went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.' 'That's not senility,' replied the doctor. 'Senility is when you forget to zip down.'

**photoflex** · March 29th, 2015, 02:07 PM

It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it?
Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.
He had been counting the years off on his calendar and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."
"I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face."
When the boy arrived home he told his mother.
The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on HIS face!"

**SanteeFats** · March 29th, 2015, 02:54 PM

Well they have figured out why some of the college players at the NFL combine tested positive for the MJ. They wanted to be high draft picks.

March 28th, 2015, 09:22 AM	#9373
Mal Hombre El Super Moderador Join Date: May 2009 Location: Adoptive Monkey Hanger Posts: 58,198 Thanks: 773,362 Thanked 856,485 Times in 57,623 Posts	I just lined my underpants with insurance policies,Now My ass is covered.. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. If in doubt, Just ask Yourself What Would Max Do ? It is a porn site,But its a Classy porn site. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

March 28th, 2015, 01:33 PM	#9374
retroanalyst in memoriam Max Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Germany Posts: 3,586 Thanks: 122,089 Thanked 47,469 Times in 3,337 Posts	They say the one thing you can't buy is taste. Especially at McDonald's. __________________ Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.

March 28th, 2015, 08:17 PM	#9375
seany65 Vintage Member Join Date: May 2009 Posts: 3,663 Thanks: 80,576 Thanked 32,808 Times in 3,540 Posts	I used to think God was a Mancunian, but then I realised that if He was, He would've put the scousers further away. __________________ <-- That's Emer Kenny and I want to be stuck in her front bottom. Quote from electrofreak : I'd rather have questions that can't be answered, than answers that can't be questioned.

March 28th, 2015, 08:35 PM	#9376
Mal Hombre El Super Moderador Join Date: May 2009 Location: Adoptive Monkey Hanger Posts: 58,198 Thanks: 773,362 Thanked 856,485 Times in 57,623 Posts	I was just attacked by a depressed ursine creature,It was a BiPolar bear... __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. If in doubt, Just ask Yourself What Would Max Do ? It is a porn site,But its a Classy porn site. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

March 28th, 2015, 11:33 PM	#9377
photoflex Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Location: Location Posts: 3,584 Thanks: 37,955 Thanked 127,850 Times in 3,571 Posts	@robinince I have decided to put the clocks ahead by 40 hours instead of 1, just so i don't have to bother doing it again for the rest of my life. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I love your thanks, but please thank the original posters first.

March 27th, 2015, 09:30 PM	#9371
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,942 Thanks: 282,146 Thanked 815,613 Times in 60,989 Posts	So when my son was young and I wanted some holes dug for tomato's I told him that Santa Claus was buried in the back yard. I got to plant my tomato's and some other plants too.

March 28th, 2015, 12:36 AM	#9372
gedly Veteran Member Join Date: May 2007 Posts: 3,236 Thanks: 19,906 Thanked 69,349 Times in 3,173 Posts	We've just papered out living room walls with application forms. It ticks all the right boxes.

March 29th, 2015, 02:35 AM	#9378
captpike Vintage Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: TALOS IV or South Carolina Posts: 1,177 Thanks: 80,449 Thanked 47,331 Times in 1,166 Posts	Senility An elderly man went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.' 'That's not senility,' replied the doctor. 'Senility is when you forget to zip down.'

March 29th, 2015, 02:07 PM	#9379
photoflex Veteran Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Location: Location Posts: 3,584 Thanks: 37,955 Thanked 127,850 Times in 3,571 Posts	It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed. He had been counting the years off on his calendar and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow." "I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face." When the boy arrived home he told his mother. The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on HIS face!" __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I love your thanks, but please thank the original posters first.

March 29th, 2015, 02:54 PM	#9380
SanteeFats Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2013 Location: Santee, Ca Posts: 60,942 Thanks: 282,146 Thanked 815,613 Times in 60,989 Posts	Well they have figured out why some of the college players at the NFL combine tested positive for the MJ. They wanted to be high draft picks.