[Almero]

I tried to share a kebab with a homeless guy I saw sitting on a bench last night.
He told me to f..k off and buy my own.


One day I'll pretend to be gay. I'll make lots of female friends, gain their trust. Become their confidant, and when they least expected...BAAM!!!
I'll f..k their boyfriends.


Because of my obsession with ladders, I joined Ladders Anonymous.
I am on their twelve step programme.


I've told you a million times, I never exaggerate.


Slept like a baby last night.
I kept waking up every few hours to suck on some titties.


Every day, a male employee walks up very close to a female co-worker at the coffee machine. He stops, inhales quite deeply and says that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, the woman can't stand it anymore. She takes her issue to a supervisor in Human Resources and asks to file a sexual Harassment grievance against the guy. The supervisor is puzzled and asks, "What's threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?" "It's Frank . . . the dwarf."


Woke up this morning in the Police station with a right hangover. I must stop drinking when I'm on duty.