Call me crazy or a shameful dreamer (Just don`t call me between 3pm - 4pm on Thursdays ,that`s when i take confession at my local mosque) but i really would enjoy sampling the delights of a female Vampire
. Not only as they`re well known sex mad sexpots
, but because during our first session i`d become a kick ass Vampire , although of course i`d prefer to be the Vampire who`s turned them
...
Imagine it ...
Superhuman Strength
A vampire possesses a strength no mere mortal can match up with. They essentially have the strength of ten men. This makes them extremely hard to deal with in physical combat , and a right bastard to stand in front of while queuing ...
Superhuman Speed
As vampires live beyond mortal time, they can phase through a small period of time, enabling them to move faster than what the human eye can perceive. This is also why vampires are said to be able to "teleport" , and are masters of dodging their round ...
Enhanced Senses
As a predator, the vampire is equipped with enhanced senses of hearing, smell and sight. The vampire can see as well in total darkness as humans can see in broad daylight. There are even rumours that vampires possess infrared vision allowing them to track living beings , or even politicians ...
Hypnotism
Probably their most useful weapon, Vampires can plant suggestions into anyone meeting their hypnotic gaze. The strength of the suggestions depend on the difference between the Vampire's will and that of the victim's. Using this power Vampires can also force victims to forget about the attack , or in the case of Alzheimer's patients remember it ...
Damage Resistance
Vampires are extremely resistant to physical damage. Conventional weapons like blades and guns cannot damage their physical form. Only holy items weapons made of specific materials can inflict injuries on them, although sometimes the Inland Revenue service have a bloody good try ...
Regeneration
Even if a Vampire is wounded, their rate of healing is very fast. Most wounds will heal with one night of rest. Only serious wounds caused by holy items (Or marriage ) would scar them forever. Some even say that a Vampire can heal all its wounds by draining all the fresh blood from their victim , but a bottle of single malt can work quicker ...
Animal Control
Vampires can control the minds of bats, rats and wolves found in their vicinity. These animals will obey every command of their newfound master's, even if it brings death , or in the case of blondes brain death , but nobody notices ...
Shape Shifting
Vampires can shape-shift into the shape of a bat or a wolf. They can also disperse into elemental vapours, thus allowing them to skip in through door slits or narrow cracks.So beware of free flowing vapours slipping from narrow cracks, well unless there's a person standing next to you who can be blamed ...
Wall Climbing
Vampires can climb walls without the aid of any equipment. They can climb up or down the steepest walls the way insects do , enabling them to seek refuge in places where no mere mortal can reach.Much like Spiderman except you don`t need the spandex ...
Magical Abilities
Vampire have limited control over the weather. They could raise a fog or summon a storm to cover their tracks, that`s why it`s become obvious most live in England . Still older Vampires may have other magical powers such as necromancy or alchemy , but don`t take my word for it just ask Debbie McGee ...
The ability to create new Vampires
Which would suit me , especially as Vampires created by a Vampire master will become their master's slaves (Don`t fret i`d use my power wisely) . Because Vampire slaves have to obey the will of their master (He he) . Only when the master is weakened (Eg. in daylight), destroyed or if the master consciously releases its control; is the slave able to act on its own will. So as i`ve hinted at previously , that`s why it's best to pick Blonde's as their wills should be easily controlled whether you`ve been turned to ash or not ...
Immortality
Vampires are immortal. They do not age and die with the passing of time. Although they may appear to have aged when they have not fed for a long time or just watched an entire episode of X- Factor , but they will be rejuvenated when they drink a lot of blood (Mmmmm iron) . They are also immune to all forms of diseases known to humans, except nagging . Also due to their long "life span", their cunning and intelligence cannot be underestimated as it is one of their most formidable weapons, but if i was a Vampire i`d still like one of these on my hip ...
Oh yes and what about the negative points ? ,i hear you bellow
...
Sure i know i`d no longer be able to look at my own reflection , but what straight guy looks in the mirror anyway ?
...
As for missing the Sun ? , well i`ve never been a morning person ...
So that just leaves having to do without garlic ? , hmmm think i could live with that
...
And foreveeeeeeeeeeeeer
...
Pity i`m unable to type the maniacal laugh
...
I want this ...
Think i better start with just one to begin with though ...
"Sigh"
Vamps aren`t evil they`re merely misunderstood , also my comments especially on the starting page have a humorous bent ( I hope) and so i`d say this thread warrants being in Funnies.
Anyway there`s enough "Stuff" in other stuff already
Hey i`ll begin a campaign if i have to
[COLOR=#004B00 !important][COLOR=#004B00 !important] "Keep Female Vampires in Funnies ! "[/COLOR][/COLOR]
Also before anyone comments no these photos aren`t faked , they`re of women finally confident enough to admit their true bloodline
So if you have any similar please post them here
