Vintage Erotica Forums - View Single Post - How do you cope with the lady in your life?

**sammler** · August 5th, 2017, 03:39 PM

I've been married for 30 years. We don't agree on a lot of things, but when it comes to the big things in life, we see eye to eye.

A few things I learned over the years: I'm a pretty rational person and am trying to apply logic to every problem. That doesn't work with my wife. I don't understand her argumentation. At all. Just doesn't make sense to me. But I've learned that I need to listen. No talking back, no justification, no arguments. Just listen. That alone makes her feel better apparently.

And the second big takeaway for me: We both have full trust in each other. No lies. I don't tell her everything, but I'm not hiding anything. And we give each other space. I don't have to like everything she likes to do and she doesn't have to like all of my activities. Same for friends: We have shared friends, but we also have friends the other one doesn't really care too much about. As long as neither side is forced into doing something we don't like everything is ok.

rosestone, maybe one way to defuse the emotional side of your arguments could be to write down the gripes. Each of you could write down a list of things that bother him / her. Then rank the list on how important it is to fix the issue. Exchange the lists, but don't argue about them. Just read them, let them sink in for a day or two. Then find out which one of the points you feel capable to do something about and make a list of what you could offer to reduce the gripes. And then sit down and talk about the offers. Bottom line: Try to find solutions instead of trying to analyze the problems.

August 5th, 2017, 03:39 PM	#68
sammler hoarder of smut Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: north by northwest Posts: 469 Thanks: 7,155 Thanked 21,972 Times in 468 Posts	I've been married for 30 years. We don't agree on a lot of things, but when it comes to the big things in life, we see eye to eye. A few things I learned over the years: I'm a pretty rational person and am trying to apply logic to every problem. That doesn't work with my wife. I don't understand her argumentation. At all. Just doesn't make sense to me. But I've learned that I need to listen. No talking back, no justification, no arguments. Just listen. That alone makes her feel better apparently. And the second big takeaway for me: We both have full trust in each other. No lies. I don't tell her everything, but I'm not hiding anything. And we give each other space. I don't have to like everything she likes to do and she doesn't have to like all of my activities. Same for friends: We have shared friends, but we also have friends the other one doesn't really care too much about. As long as neither side is forced into doing something we don't like everything is ok. rosestone, maybe one way to defuse the emotional side of your arguments could be to write down the gripes. Each of you could write down a list of things that bother him / her. Then rank the list on how important it is to fix the issue. Exchange the lists, but don't argue about them. Just read them, let them sink in for a day or two. Then find out which one of the points you feel capable to do something about and make a list of what you could offer to reduce the gripes. And then sit down and talk about the offers. Bottom line: Try to find solutions instead of trying to analyze the problems.