Doctor: "Your health seems to be in such a condition that I believe you can reach 80 years." "But doctor, I am already 80!" "You see--I told you to quit smoking."
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I'm sorry and I apologize generally mean the same thing-except at funerals.
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Yes, money can't buy you happiness, but I'd still feel a lot more confortable crying in a new BMW than on a bike.
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One state official to the other: "I don't know what people have against us-We haven't done anything."
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Wife arrives home late at night from a business trip and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. But she notices four legs instead of two peeking from under the blanket! Seized by a fit of rage, she reaches for the baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket until the screaming stops.
Still in shock, she lurches to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. "Oh welcome home darling, "he says, "my parents came for a visit, so I let them have our bed."
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