Lewd Limericks
A couple of Victorian examples :
There was a young man from peru Who had nothing whatever to do So He pulled out his carrot And buggered his parrot And sent the result to the zoo There was a young lady from Diss Went down to river to piss A man in a punt Shoved His pole up Her cunt And gave Her the exquisite bliss And one of My Own: The boy stood on the burning deck Eyes moist with emotion He gave a cough His balls dropped off And rolled into the ocean |
The lass I brought home was a prize,
with an alluring set of blue eyes, her breasts, so well kept, were what I’d expect, but her penis was quite a surprise. There was an old man from China, Who wasn’t a very good climber, He fell on a rock, Split his cock, And now he’s got a vagina. There once was a man from Brighton Who said to his girl, “You’re a tight one.” She said, “Pardon my soul, but you’re in the wrong hole. There’s plenty of room in the right one.” |
Asked a young fellow named Harden,
Being sucked by a wench in a garden, "Just what do you do With all of that goo?" And she replied "*gulp* Beg your pardon?" |
There once was a man from Nantucket.
Whos dick was so long he could suck it. He said with a grin. As he wiped off his chin. "If my ear was a cunt I could f**k it." |
A young lady who lived in Devizes
Had breasts that were two different sizes: One was so small It was no good at all, The other so large it won prizes |
A circus midget named Pitts
Was subject to passionate fits; But his pleasure in life, was to suck off his wife While he swung by his knees from her tits. There was a young girl from Kilkenny Whose usual charge was a penny For half of that sum You could roger her bum A source of amusement to many. |
Mary had a little pig
She kept it fat and plastered And when the price of pork went up She shot the little bastard Jack and Jill went up the hill to have some hanky panky Silly Jill forgot her pill And now there's little Franky Mary had a little lamb Its fleece was white and wispy then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease And now it's black and crispy Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle All over the bedside clock The little dog laughed to see such fun Then died of electric shock |
There was a young lady from Bude
Who sunbathed on the beach in the nude. A man on the sea front shouted "Show us your cunt!" Out loud...like that....Fucking rude! There once was a poet named Wood whose poetry was really quite bad. He tried time after time to make the lines fit but they were too short. |
Sing a song of sixpence
a pocket full of rye, Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie. When the pie was opened, all the birds were dead. |
There was a young girl from Throgmorton
Who had one long tit and a short 'un. To make up for that, She'd a hairy great twat, And a fart like a 650 Norton. There was a young lady from Kent, With a cunt of enormous extent. It was so deep and so wide, The acoustics inside, Caused an echo whenever you spent. There was a young girl from Cape Cod, Who dreamed she was sleeping with God. ‘Twas not the Almighty, Who pulled up her nightie, ‘Twas Roger, the lodger, the sod. There was a young man from Coblenz Whose balls were quite simply immense: It took forty draymen A priest and three laymen To transport them thither and hence. |
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