Vintage Erotica Forums - Hef's Vaults

Ran across this on a 'blind item' celeb gossip site. They guy who posts this stuff is supposedly a entertainment lawyer who has been in the biz for decades.

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The Priceless Collection - A Himmmm Blind: I thought it may be nice to share an item that didn't include kids being abused. Although I warn you it is adult in nature with some very adult descriptions, all the participants seemed over legal age and there of their own choice – well, as far as I knew anyway, some were borderline in age and some may have been so chemically altered they had no idea where they were. I think that's my excuse from back in the day anyway. So, this Fall – in October- I got a call from an old friend, who is an attorney working with the estate of a dead legendary celebrity (permanent A list celebrity) whom I will refer to as PM. PM died recently and left behind a large estate to be settled, and it was easy to forget how powerful he once was and what an original "influencer" he was on shaping culture in his time. My friend said they've been overseeing the catalog inventory of items of the estate. They were going through some old personal photos taken at a party of PM (Annual Shakespeare like party in name only) and said he'd found some hilarious photos of me from back in the 1980s, and would I like them? Scared at first, I was reassured the were only mildly embarrassing. Photos of me, two models, drunk in a pool one night with an inflatable ducky pool float on my head. Egad. I went to the legendary estate of PM and found it more run down than I recall, and quite vacant. My lawyer pal and one of his investigator/paralegals were there, along with PM's son. We'd never met, but he was very nice, and asked if I minded going underground to the vault with them. A security guy started with us, but stopped at the elevator and we three went down together. We all descended into the depths of the house to a walk-in bank vault installed actually BENEATH the basement of the house. Like a bunker, with tunnels going to someplace. It was as big as a living room. I thought it peculiar when they both said I needed to leave all cell phones and electronics on the table outside the big vault. They said that no electronics are ever allowed inside, and when you pass through the entrance to the vault there's a "net" that will erase things and jam signals and it will kill your phone. Wild. I thought we just did that in movies and not sure it really existed. I happily complied, left my goods, and in we went. After walking through a laser beam that made you feel like you had to whizz really badly, we were inside the "room". The Son flipped on a switch and air rushed through vents, and he pulled a metal shutter door closed behind us. I saw rows of metal cabinets lined the walls, with ceiling-high pull-out drawers. Inside were usual trappings of protected fame and wealth; including old films, documents, papers, and photos. Lots of artwork including Warhol's, Dali's, and others. All climate controlled and mint. I asked about the Warhol's, and the Monet, and the obvious Picasso. The Son said: "Oh yeah, most of the valuables he kept in here. Some of his business stuff he kept backups of at a bunker thing in some place in Utah, but most was in here. He liked to enjoy his collections. But the paintings aren't the most valuable. He owns the most priceless things in history. He has the largest collection of unreleased movies ever – maybe worth billions." Somehow, I thought he meant like old silent films. I wasn't even close to being right. We moved to a manila folder and pulled out old 35mm prints of party pictures. They handed me the photos of me (OMFG! Cringe!), and I thanked them for giving them up so gently (Was I really that young looking once? Wow). My curiosity was peaked when I saw piles of old photos, folders, and stacks of old home movie reels and videos sitting inside the vault. They had names on them, and dates with some having events listed. My pal caught my stare and said "Yeah, you're not the only one. And these are NOT ready for prime time!". PM's son invited me to the long, wide table (this place looked more like a hospital exam room than a library), and started showing me folders. He played this game that went like this: "Any idea who this is?". When I looked at the photo, I was speechless. There, in front of me was (permanent A list country singer who has been A list for decades) totally nude in all her glory – obviously from the late 1970s. At a party inside an indoor pool. She's nude, laughing, with two girls on either side. I had forgotten how short she was. And yes, they were real and they were magnificent (and it wasn't Mulva either!). After picking up my jaw, I then perused the piles of videos. My lawyer pal and the Son just glanced at each other with Cheshire grins. One had the name of a legendary TV star (former A list mostly television actress and one year wonder) who was maybe my first screen crush. I turned to the Son and my pal – "NO F—CKING WAY". They both erupted laughing. Yes, they said. Way. The Son turned around and against the wall was a small combo TV/VCR unit, beside a DVD console, an old movie studio-style film viewer for 8mm and 16mm movies, and a photo box for blowing up pictures and slides. He turned on the VCR, and within seconds, in front of my eyes was that TV Star in all her wondrous glory. Not just nude, but having sex. First by herself, then with a guy. You can tell it is an old 16mm film cheap-loop porno reel transferred to video. The Son said: "Dad had a ton of this stuff. Some of it he shot, some of it he produced. A lot of it though was bought from blackmailers and others to keep it out of the public eye. He bought it to PROTECT a lot of his friends and they returned favors". I was floored, watching this pre-fame goddess on all fours clearly enjoying herself. With her recent popular resurgence, I can only imagine the value of this tape copy alone. I asked if I could check it out, like a library – you know, for educational history purposes only. They laughed. Not a chance. There weren't even cameras INSIDE the vault, to reduce the risk of any security guards recording anything second-hand. And that laser net was to keep anyone from walking away with anything. This first tape was a drop in the bucket. The Son and my lawyer pal fired up the whole video suite there in the back of the vault, to show me this collection. I've rarely been so speechless in my life. If I was a college-aged kid again, I'd have been in paradise. Most of the items there were from the 1950s through the early 2000s. Or so I thought. Those were just the ones I saw myself. Apparently, this place was the Smithsonian of celebrity nudes and porn items. Since this story is long, I'll cut to the chase to share what I witnessed with my own eyes, all in one afternoon in the same place (I will just list these and the details with them but I was so shocked I could barely keep up with it all): Early 1980s video of this female permanent A list celebrity/host who has been on television forever in the same exact job and this deceased permanent A list male singer who loved grunting and drugs both nude at outdoor pool. She's also got a very endowed white guy laying beside of her. She starts pleasuring herself as the musical legend gets aroused. A young blonde model joins her and they tease the singer by doing things with each other. So much for her mostly-pure image. Apparently she really is bisexual! This former A- list mostly television actress who was on a very very hot southern show and had an iconic character name back when she was a little chubby and obviously young. Looks like 1970s. A filmed stag loop of her nude, then joining a porn star (former A list porn star who made her last movie three decades ago. I think she won an AVN Award or two) on a motel bed. I was told this was cut from an early studio film of hers. But this tape continues, and then shows the same star, with the porn star again, in a home movie at the house we're standing in. And this legendary actor (permanent A+ list mostly movie actor who I feel is going to die any day now and was a staple of 80's National Enquirer covers) joins in and all three have sex. The Son told me his dad, PM, filmed this upstairs at this house. PM helped make the girl a star through his television producer pals. Former A- list mostly television actress from an iconic long running network show which had a horrible reboot in the early 1980s, in an early VHS home video with PM and his girlfriend. All three in bed, having sex. The television actress is another who began her career after PM "launched" her to fame. My lawyer pal turns to me and says "you do know she was a call right?". I had heard, but wow. Permanent A+ list mostly movie actress who got PM started in a way in old black and white 1950s era photos, with her face smiling and her body fully nude, spread, and posing. Permanent A list mostly movie actress who had a killer daughter so to speak in black and white photos. A lot of them. Some of her nude, some of her having sex with a guy, and her with a nude female I could not recognize. Again, that unmistakable face and figure. She was a blonde, and looked to be in her peak famous days. I just stared at these a while, and my lawyer pal said that PM got those through infamous attorney who represented Clarence Darrow back in the day and and mobster ________, around the time the actress was in a big scandal. Her lawyer sneaked these out of her dead boyfriend's apartment before the cops or media got there. It was like LA Confidential for real. PM offered them to the actress years later, for free, and she didn't want them but asked he not share them. PM agreed, and kept his word. She was truly stunning, in every way. Others that were seen on video, films, or in photos (either in professional test shot nudes, or homemade nudes/sex) included:
PM: Hugh Hefner/Playboy Mansion Permanent A list country singer: Dolly Parton
Former A list mostly television actress and one year wonder: Farrah Fawcett (one season of "Charlie’s Angels")
Female permanent A list celebrity/host who has been on television forever in the same exact job: Vanna White
Deceased permanent A list male singer who loved grunting and drugs: James Brown
Former A- list mostly television actress who was on a very very hot southern show and had an iconic character name back when she was a little chubby and obviously young: Catherine Bach ("The Dukes of Hazzard"/Daisy Duke)
Porn star (former A list porn star who made her last movie three decades ago): Marilyn ChambersLegendary actor (permanent A+ list mostly movie actor who I feel is going to die any day now): Burt Reynolds (Barbi Benton)
Former A- list mostly television actress from an iconic long running network show which had a horrible reboot in the early 1980s: Joan Collins ("Dynasty")
Permanent A+ list mostly movie actress who got PM started: Marilyn Monroe
Permanent A list mostly movie actress who had a killer daughter: Lana Turner (daughter Cheryl Crane confessed to killing Lana’s former boyfriend Johnny Stompanato)
1. Former A+ list mostly television actress who does a lot of infomercials: Suzanne Somers
2. Former A list mostly movie actress who recently had a birthday and who has a barely there celebrity offspring. Kim Basinger (Ireland Baldwin)
3. Former A- list mostly television actress/model who had to replace one of the biggest stars ever: Cheryl Ladd (replaced Farrah Fawcett on "Charlie’s Angels")
4. Former A list mostly movie actor who is an Oscar winner/nominee and has an almost as famous offspring. Kirk Douglas (son Michael Douglas)
5. Former A- list Cinemax late night actress who is married to a permanent A lister and foreign born Bond girl both having sex, with each other and snorting coke. Shannon Tweed (Gene Simmons)
6. The unnamed face behind a lot of recent blinds snorting cocaine with this one named icon. The icon was also captured with a horrible boob job: Madonna
7.This former A list mostly television actor who always played a cop and was partnered with a sexual predator getting oral sex from some female. Robert Culp ("I Spy"/Bill Cosby)
8. Former A+ list mostly movie actress with the unique voice drunk, in 1980s polaroids, nude with a skinny man I cannot recognize: Kathleen Turner
9. Former A- list mostly movie actress who made her fame in a certain type of 70's films swimming nude, no implants needed! Wow. Pam Grier
10. A former Playmate who you will never get so I'm not going to bother having sex with a still alive permanent A+ list producer. Robert Evans
11. This foreign born former A- list syndicated actress who got her start getting naked, very young, before implants, and nude in a video having sex with PM. Pamela Anderson
12. A celebrity offspring of celebrity offspring in an acting family in early 1980s, in grainy video, masturbating graphically in front of PM on a overstuffed sofa.
Then I saw a jaw-dropper that made me uncomfortable. #12 when she was young, teenage young, at a party with a very young former A+ list mostly movie actress who still has A+ list name recognition despite not doing much for decades – looked in her early teens. Some are Polaroid photos of the two drinking and kissing each other. French kissing each other, with people around watching. Both were clothed – not nude. Must have been 20 pictures of them drinking, dancing, and licking/kissing each other with dancing adults around them. This was the only thing there that looked sketchy, but they weren't nude. In fact, you could see that from her years before (her first movie) in a cinema. Makes me afraid to wonder what else they did though?
13. Former WH official who is a talking head now, in swim trunks with a nude model you won't get sitting astride him, kissing him: George Stephanopoulos
14. Famous nude model who got murdered, having sex, riding PM in his bed: Dorothy Stratten
15. Clear video of former news kingpin/sports owner in a robe beside a pool smoking a joint and laughing with two nude models: Ted Turner (Jane Fonda)
16. A list mostly movie actress who deserves to be about a B+ but has that A list iconic character and show to fall back on topless, underneath a waterfall, and standing beside a pool making faces at a photographer topless in just a bikini bottom. Photos from the 1990s: Sarah Jessica Parker
17. Former A+ list reality star and her mom both looking drunk or drugged, dancing in lingerie and falling over each other and others. Photos from a party, and the last few photos showed the celebrity daughter totally nude, wasted, standing atop a table: Paris and Kathy Hilton (replacement Kim Kardashian)
So just when my head had stopped spinning, and I had not spoken or taken a breath in 20 minutes, the Son and my pal were laughing at my shock. I just was shaking my head, and asked them if they had any idea the value of this stuff? If this replacement to #17 could make an empire off a sex tape can you imagine what this stuff would do? The Son then reaches over and says "Pffft- speaking of…". And shows me a folder of photos taken from the early 1990s, with #17's mom and this former A+ list athlete both nude, on a pool table, with her riding him. Wow. Reaching onto the floor, the Son pushes buttons on a smaller safe's keypad. It opens, and he pulls out more VHS tapes, polaroids, and videotapes from old film transfers. He says: "These are the Mona Lisa's. Dad didn't want these even mixed in with the others". At this point I'm expecting to see woodcut engravings of George Washington getting freaky with Jesus and Napoleon or something. I don't think anything could blow my mind more than what I'd seen. I was wrong. Former spouse of #15 having lesbian sex on video with another woman in a hotel. They are obvious taking turns recording it themselves. This appears to be late 80s or early 90s, in front of balcony doors at night. With #15 performing oral sex on the other woman, then the former spouse using a strap-on device on #15. "I think Dad got this from a competing publisher" said the Son. What the actual f….??, I thought. The original to #3 in the late 70s in photos making out with another girl, and totally nude with PM in his bed.
#18 - Former A list mostly movie actress who was not that great of an actress but very good looking in the 1980s and there's three video tapes and an envelope of photos of her trying on lingerie. Then nude. Then having sex with PM. Then another tape of her having sex with that producer mentioned above. She has stretch marks I didn't know she had. Still the ultimate goddess: Bo Derek
#19 - Foreign born former WH official kissing #18's nude breasts in polaroids: Henry Kissinger
#20 - Former spouse to the one named icon mentioned earlier is laying on a chair laughing, drinking. His wife at the time very flirty to the cameraman and goes from the pool to her husband and back in the water: Sean Penn/Robin Wright
#21 - Former TV dad turned sexual predator in an 8mm silent home movie on a pool chair, making faces, as a brunette model performs oral sex on him. At least she's awake!: Bill Cosby
#22 - Former A list country singer who got started as a teenager on very grainy video, laying on a sofa nude, an African-American woman performs oral sex on her. After several minutes, the nude woman turns around and it is a former Bond villian!!! Wow. The country singer looks tiny compared to the Amazon woman. The country singer gets up and walks to a pool table, climbs up, laughs and the camera cuts off. Tanya Tucker/Grace Jones
There was an entire plastic storage case full of envelopes and folders with dates, names, and events listed on them. More than I could have watched in a week. Some I didn't get to see but noticed the names were:
#23 - Former A list female tennis player from the 70's and 80's: Chris Evert
#24 - Former brat pack actor: Rob Lowe
#25 - Permanent A+ list model with celebrity offspring: Cindy Crawford
#26 - Permanent A list singer in a group/never solo.
#27 - Former Dallas actress: Victoria Principal
#28 - Worst dad ever. Married to someone mentioned twice so far: Ryan O'Neal (Farrah Fawcett)
In some of these I did see, you could tell that PM was clearly recording it (his voice was obvious). Others you hear a woman's voice behind the camera. The Son said sometimes PM would keep a cameraman on hand at parties just for this purpose. I asked the Son if it ever skeeved him out, with that being his Dad? He laughed and said "Nope – it's not like I was afraid of sex or nudity any way. But funny enough my folks were pretty protective of us and I didn't even know this stuff was here until Dad got sick. I still don't know who half these people are." Realizing the time passed, and my mind totally blown, we headed back out – making it through the James Bond setup again, and getting my stuff to leave. I thanked them both for an insanely mind-altering experience, but mostly for my own photos (which obviously wouldn't make any highlight reels around here). I had to know, so I just blurted it out and asked what they were going to do with all of it. The Son said, "Most of it goes back to the people in them – if they want them. That's what Dad said he wanted. Some of it I'm supposed to hold on to, because people may want to take out grudge's against Dad on me so I'm keeping them. The rest? Well…". And he just shrugged and smiled a big smile. At that moment, he really did look like his old man. All the way back home I just couldn't stop replaying what I'd seen. Especially that lady singer with those big…eyes. Wow. Impressive. My wife got a kick out of my own photos and said she was disappointed I wasn't more "exposed". I didn't share with her the exposure I'd just seen or my relief that I wasn't exposed. I do know this – that if suddenly, in the next few years, a large amount of classic celebrity sex tapes and photos start hitting the market? I'll know the source.