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Swiss T 09-04-2005 03:52 PM

Post your corny jokes
A boy in the sixth grade comes home after school one day. His mother notices that he's got a big smile on his face. She asks, "Did anything special happen at school today?"
"Yes, Mom. I had sex with my English teacher!"
The mother is stunned. "You're going to talk about this with your father when he gets home."
Well, when dad comes home and hears the news he is pleased as punch. Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, "Son, I hear you had sex with your English teacher."
"That's right, Dad."
"Well, you became a man today - this is cause for celebration. Let's head out for some ice cream, and then I'll buy that new bike you've been asking for."
"That sounds great, Dad, but I can I have a football instead? My ass is killing me."


steamjon 09-14-2008 11:11 PM

What's white and dribbles on the floor?

Cum dancing :eek:

django mutney 09-18-2008 11:06 AM

Bloke orders a pint and nips off to the toilet while it is being poured.

While he is away a black woman jumps on the bar and blows off in his freshly poured pint.

He returns to taste his beer and is disgusted by it and asks the barman why his pint is off.

The barman explains and points out the woman concerned.

The man turns to her and says, "Here, you fart in my Whitbread?"

To which she replies, "No, Tessa Sanderson."

Canned Carrott 09-20-2008 01:04 AM

Sports news:

Amir Khan had an Aids test after his last fight, because he'd been beaten round the ring.

brausch 09-20-2008 02:50 PM

Q: Why is a duck like British Gas?
A: They can both stick their bills up their arses.

This is one Mike Harding used to tell, he made it last half an hour.
It's Christmas Eve and this bloke's forgotten to get a turkey, he's also desperate to see a film that's getting its last showing (this joke pre-dates DVD) so he goes to the butchers and the only turkey left is still alive and putting up a fight, bald patches all over it and feathers everywhere. He's got no choice so the bloke takes it and he's only got a few minutes to get to the cinema so he stuffs in under his raincoat and holds it between his legs to sneak in. He gets into the cinema just as the lights are going down and sits next to two young women, the turkey clamped between his thighs and his raincoat buttoned. He can feel the turkey moving about but he figures its dark so what the Hell. After a few minutes one of the women turns to the other and says "I think the fella next to me's got his cock out" "So what? You've seen one, you've seen 'em all" "But this one's eating my crisps"

The first flight by Irish Airways to New York. The plane's coming in to land when the pilot gets a message from the tower "sorry, but we've got so much traffic we'll have to give you the shortest runway so take care when you're landing" The pilot circles round, to line up his descent and says to the co-pilot "this looks tricky, as soon as we touch the ground I want full reverse engines, full flaps and brakes and let's hope we make it". The plane hits the tarmac, howling engines, screaming tires as the end of the runway gets closer and closer. Just when it looks like they'll be ploughing into the earth the plane finally screams to a stop with inches to spare. The pilot breathes a huge sigh of relief and looks out of the windows and says "that was too close, no doubt about it, that was the shortest runway I've ever seen" and the co-pilot says "but will you look at the width of it"

daddynick 09-20-2008 07:12 PM

A man and a woman who had never met before, but were both
married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same
sleeping room on a Trans-continental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room,

they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly.....He in the
upper bunk and she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman
saying, 'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you
be willing to
reach into the closet to get
me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.'
'I have a better idea', she replied. 'Just for
tonight, let's
pretend that we're married.'
'Wow! That's a great idea!' he exclaimed.

'Good', she replied. 'Get your own fucking

After a moment of silence, he farted.

The End

buggeration 09-20-2008 09:27 PM

When I was younger I used to get sick of aunts and uncles poking me in the ribs at family weddings and saying. 'Your next.' Now I'm older I get my own back at family funerals by poking them in the ribs and saying 'Your next.'

jch48 09-21-2008 05:35 PM

What do you do when you come across an elephant in the jungle?

Wipe it off,and say your sorry!

buggeration 09-21-2008 06:24 PM

Aardvaark walks into a bar. Barman says: 'Why the long face?'

daddynick 09-24-2008 04:58 AM

China will no longer publish a phone directory due to chaos...
there are so many Wing's and Wong's in THE DIRECTORY,
people were always winging wong numbers.

I felt you needed to know this...
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