"If it wasn't for pick-pockets and frisking at airports I'd have no sex life at all." - Rodney Dangerfield

"My wife is a sex object. Everytime I ask for sex, she objects." - Les Dawson

"A nymphomaniac is a women as obsessed with sex as the average man." - Mignon McLaughlin

"If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Warren Beatty's fingertips." - Woody Allen

"The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less." - Brendan Francis

What's the most expensive thing in the world? A woman who's free for the evening.

"Tron wasn't a movie; it was an extended music video for Daft Punk" - Anon.
Or maybe even better: "Tron is so lucky to be in Daft Punk's movie" :p

On being told that Calvin Coolidge was dead, Dorothy Parker said:

"How can they tell?"


I love that one !!

Silent Cal
 

There was the press conference where a persistent reporter asked the President if he had anything to say about prohibition. Cal said “No.”
“Any comments on the world court?”
“No.”
“What about the farm situation?” Again the answer was no.

“You don’t seem to have any comment about anything.”

"I've made a bet against a fellow who said that it was impossible to get more than two words out of you."

Cal- "You lose."


His wife was ill one Sunday, so Cal went to church under strict instructions to come back with every detail of what was talked about in the sermon.
After he returned:
"What was the sermon about?"
"Sin."
"What did he say about it?"
"He was against it."

Continuing on a presidential theme...

"I have orders to be awakened at any time in the case of a national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting." - Ronald Reagan

"Politics is supposed be the second oldest profession. I have come to realise that it bears a very close resemblance to the first." - Ronald Reagan

"People who like this sort of thing will find this the sort of thing they like." - Abraham Lincoln

"Did you ever think that making a speech on economics is a lot like pissing down your leg? It seems hot to you, but it never does to anyone else." - LBJ

"I know only two tunes: One of them is 'Yankee Doodle' and the other isn't." - Ulysses S Grant

" "
Marcel Marceau

"NON!", Marcel Marceau, "Silent Movie" (The only word spoken in the movie.)

“I feel that we are all philosophers, and that those who describe themselves as a ‘philosopher’ simply do not have a day job to go to”. - Kevin Warwick

"With or without religion, good people can behave well and bad people can do evil; but for good people to do evil—that takes religion. " - Steven Weinberg