This isn't one of mine but it's a dandy.

"I was determined to be here on time so I rushed through the morning ritual. When I left the house, my face still wet from shaving, the wind blew the storm door against me and it froze to my face. I had to stand there until a kind stranger thawed me out and I could rush to be here."

We all had a good laugh and he was forgiven.

When I was in high school, our lab classes were double the time of every other class. One of my classmates came in for the second half of the class and when the teacher asked why he was late, he said he couldn't get through the halls.

An MP and cabinet member was working with a voluntary organisation over the summer recess. He announced one evening that he would not be able to work the next day as 'There was an emergency cabinet meeting which he had to attend'.

Actually, you don't need an excuse. Just say you need to take a heavy sh*t first :D

I hate nosey parkers who think they've a right to an answer just for asking prying questions. With a smile on my face I tell them I'm off gassing badgers, which is less rude than saying @#$£ off. They usually get the message.

Well, there is a question of credibility :cool:

You can't play with animals...

http://img244.imagevenue.com/loc421/..._123_421lo.jpg

...or gangsters...

http://img192.imagevenue.com/loc593/..._123_593lo.jpg

on two Continents like you, and still pretend you get Flu like a 16 year-old apprentice :D:D:D

Way back in 76-78 I drove a cab in Jersey City, NJ. One day I missed work because I walked out in the driveway to the car and slipped on the ice, landing on my back. The next day I told my boss, Stanley exactly what had happened. (He would sit in his car in back of the cab stand, chewing his cigar and spitting at your feet.) Well, he got all pissed off anyway. He didn't want to hear it.

Later on I learned that what Stanley really wanted to hear was bullshit. He loved it. Stanley just really loved a good story.

So the next time I missed work I told him I had been kidnapped by a wandering band of gypsies.

So he said..."yeah?????"....(he talked like Edward G. Robinson).

"Ok...go back to work..."





Mmmmmmmyeah!!! See?

I hate people being late. A mate of mine was an half hour late one day, he said his car had broken down, but I spied him nipping into a pub. When I told him i'd seen him he went bright red and said you basket BB.

"the voices in my head told me to stay home and sharpen my knife collection"

this will work for most questions as to why you were late as people tend to shut up and hurry off