Like: "Don't bring a machete to a gun fight."

Dislike: "MILF"

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

Woody Allen film director & comedian

I loved this one directed at me by my year 11 electrical teacher
"I hope you become nothing":D

I always liked the poem by Alexander Pope: "Nature and nature's laws lay hid in night; God said 'Let Newton be!' and all was light."

Good line: bad teacher though.

''You want your own table? You bring it with you.'' Waiter at Wong Kei Restaurant, Gerrard Street in London's Chinatown. Good food, but the service is mental.:D

Storys of black humour from tragic Arctic Convoy PQ17 in WW2:

After being shadowed by German BV138 flying boat for many hours, the Commodore signalled the enemy aircraft: ''Can't you go round the other way? You're making us dizzy.'' Silently, the German aircraft turned and circled the other way.

When the surviving merchant ships had almost reached Russia in a tiny rump of the original convoy, an exhausted merchant sailor discharged a distress flare by error and it landed on the deck of an escorting warship amidst depthcharges and tons of AAA shells, which the RN sailors frantically dumped overboard before being able to fight and put out the deck fire. The warship then carefully approached the guilty merchantman and came right alongside. The merchant sailors cringed as they waited to hear what the RN captain was going to say.

''Your aim is damn good, old boy''.

Sometimes. less is more.

Two quotes, one about, and one by John Aubrey (where my user name comes from, via our cat)

"... a shiftless person, roving and magotie-headed, and sometimes little better than crased." (Anthony a Wood.)

"Anno 1670, not far from Cirencester, was an Apparition: being demanded, whether a good Spirit or a bad? returned no answer but disappeared with a curious Perfume and a most melodious Twang. Mr W. Lilley believes it was a farie."
(A beautiful little story.)

Every day that Paris Hilton spends inside prison is a happy day.

Mark Lamarr.:cool:

"You will never amount to anything boy" my old maths teacher, funnily enough I was in the North East visiting my Mum last month when I saw him parking at Asda in his Ford Fiesta. I made a point of stopping next to him in my Aston Martin to get out and introduce myself.!.......It felt good!:D

Drop your weapon..you have ten seconds to comply(growling noises)
ED209 Robocop