Cute. Does it pick up peanuts?

e.d. ;)

U.S. Southern Women
 

The owner of a golf course in North Carolina was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to
ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from The University of North Carolina and I
need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

The secretary thought a moment, then replied, "Everything but my earrings."

You gotta love those Southern women.

John Terry V Wayne Bridge
 

Fabio Capello's phoned Wayne Bridge up and said
''Ive just spoken to John Terry and he's lost the captain's armband.Do me a favour and have a good look under your bed to see if you can find it.'

You need to be thick-skinned not to cry...
 

When a young man worked in Africa, one day he was confronted with a terrible sight. A elephant cow had been killed and the men who had done this terrible deed, were hunting it's small baby. Realising what would happen, should they catch it, the young man offered to buy the infant pachyderm. After long negotiation he succeeded and took the animal home, where he lovingly cared for it. They formed an incredible close bond, the tiny animal following his every step and even sleeping in the same room. The baby clearly missed it's mother's attention, but over time the young man proved an exellent substitute, for the elephant grew well and seemed happy enough.
But all things come to an end and after a while the young man had to return to his homeland. After some thought and considering all options, he decided that there was no way he could take the animal with him. I'll spare you the tears and sad farewells, but the young man travelled home after leaving the elephant in the care of some good people. They were to try to re-introduce the elephant into the wild and succesfully did so.

Now, many, many years later the young man has become quite the local celebrity with this story and one day decides to take his grandchildren to the circus to show them real elephants. They enjoy themselves tremendously, the music, the clowns, the acrobats....Then it suddenly is time for the elephants and people cheer as a long procession of the mighty beasts walk into the arena. But one of the animals seems restless and keeps sniffing the air. The keeper clearly has a hard time keeping it under control, every time they pass the spot where the old man is sitting. Then, all of a sudden, the enourmous animal breaks away and walks towards the old man, still sniffing the air. As the animal comes closer and closer, the old man stands up and stretches out his arms. The elephant wraps his trunk around him and lifts the old man into the air. Then throws him to the ground and tramples him into a bloody heap of broken bones.

Now, experts say they don't think it was the same elephant.

You must be starving!

Strange ears!

A man went up to the counter in a bookshop and asked the girl behind"Do you keep stationary?",she replied "Only for the first five minutes,then I start to wriggle"

A man went to the doctor for a physical. During the appointment, the doctor told the man:
"Sir, you're going to have to stop masturbating so much."
"But...why?" the man inquired.
"Because I'm trying to examine you," the doctor replied.

Please have a moments thought for the small people.
 

I am really concerned about dwarves, apparently 6 out of 7 are not happy!

Dirty diapers
 

It occurs to me that we generally change diapers and politicians for pretty much the same reason. It seems, however, that diapers are clean before being put to use. :cool:

e.d.