5 things that makes you press FF/Skip on the remote?

[jack_nance]

(1) Extreme penetration close-ups
I like watching attractive women having sex, not what looks like industrial footage of a sewage treatment plant. Show the penetration, cut to it again when the position changes, or whatever... but we don't need constant proof that the dick is still in.

(2) FFM Scenes / Orgy Scenes

More often than not you have a favourite actress that you're watching the scene for. And more often than not you don't get to see enough of her because of the other (lesser) starlet(s).

(3) Tom Byron

It always feels like he's dipping his dick like he's expecting a bear trap or bees... any energy in the fucking has to come from the actress. Plus his long running array of mullets and weedy facial hair... erg.

(4) Most anal scenes.

There are like 3% of actresses who manage to make an anal scene look more exciting than a regular sex scene... yet everyone seems hung up on whether or not they've done one (and feel ripped off when an actress hasn't). I think I'm in a minority here.

(5) Most modern series scenes

There's a real cookie cutter formula at work here... and I mean, sure, porn isn't exactly known for it's plot twists, but the whole oh, I'm having sex in a fake classroom with an older teacher, or, oh I'm having sex in a fake office with my hot boss... 30-40 minutes, 6-7 positions, same angles every time, interchangeable actresses. Boring.

[mark1970]

Ok, firstly anal scenes. They just don't do anything for me!
Secondly, long drawn out twenty minute blow jobs. I know the actor may be having trouble getting wood but thats what fluffers and viagra are for. Rant over!!

[anklebiter]

I've expressed my disgust for modern porn in a few of these threads before, but I'll say it again, and paraphrase someone who said it better than I could have...
"modern porn is not erotic, it's savage"

Spitting, forced gagging, screaming in a turrets style, detached manner, and staring or mugging for the camera.Never mind the fast forward button, I just hit eject.

[jimmyhatjames]

Spitting, forced gagging, penetration without lube to get the wince of pain on an actress' face, etc - major turn off.

Any of the behind & underneath, etc. scenes where it's just the guys balls flapping about while fucking or getting blown.

Also, just plain tired of so many shaved ladies. Give me something more than meat flaps! Speaking of which, there are a few girls who don't always go bald in modern porn. For example, a nice pretty pussy with closely cropped hair can be found in most scenes featuring a lovely young lady named Celina Cross.

http://www.upperclassvideo.com/galleries/celenacross/celena-fucking/tn/11.jpg

[Wendigo]

Mainly 1 thing, any excessive use of gore to disguise the fact the story is shit, yes you Eli Roth, Takashi Miike and several others. Hey, do you guy's remember that viewers have imaginations?

[RyderKnightley]

Many things, depending on the situation. However, no matter what the situation, I get bored watching the action from the same camera angle for far too long. It just gets monotonous. Also, extended shots of the guys face dripping in sweat. Don't watch much modern stuff, but if I do and come across gagging or spitting, FF. If I'm watching something I know well, I may FF to a bit I particularly like. That's my five.

[Seeker]

Ahh....finally I can list my dislikes, but I can only think of 4:

1. Big boobs (I like'm smaller)
2. Male faces
3. Long blow jobs
4. Disinterested model

[Rhino1978]

God where to start.


Plastic barbie doll types

spitting

gagging

forced rough stuff

blow jobs that last thruogh three different time zones

men making noises like monkeys

totally obvious fake boobs

films that are full of anal

etc etc etc

[Flotsam]

Excellent points it just seems like a lot of the actresses are either disinterested or stoned or whatever. I much prefer it when the actress truly seems to be enjoying what she is doing. and as for that I can't really remember an actress who made it look like she enjoyed that last anal or DP scene.

[billybunter]

I agree with all posts. Nearly every porno now has anal. Why? The spitting gagging thing I just don't understand. Same with DP. Modern porn really does treat women like a piece of meat. There are are exceptions I know.

[John C. Holmes]

Douchebag "directors" talking shit to the girls while they are trying to screw someone on camera. (Lack of music and the cookie cutter gonzo porn has caused this.) If I ever see any of those assholes I hear in these movies I'll kick the shit out of them.

[Flotsam]

I admit I'm new, but i don't quite understand this Gonzo term. I guess my criteria is whether i would ever show something to my GF. (She is VERY open minded) If i think about it and would be embarrassed or would have to admit it is degrading then it just comes off as unappealing to me.

Hey we didn't even mention "Porn Music" or is that just a 70s cliche?

[John C. Holmes]

Watching a movie, (that is done "reality" style with so-called "real" people off the street,) and when a girl bends over the director makes a loud fart noise, that is fucking annoying. Worse yet when they say crap like, "that's some SERIOUS meat there bitch." Jesus H. Christ just because you paid the girl for sex doesn't give you the right to be an obnoxious asshole about it.

[eelcat]

Everything new. If someone at work slips me a porno to check out I generally put it in the player and just FF for a few minutes before turning it off.
The boss at work seems to enjoy a series of movies called "Meatholes", which I think epitomises the nadir of the porn industry and includes just about everything that has already been mentioned above as a turn off.

[John C. Holmes]

Extended crying scenes in a porno. (Brad Armstrong, Flashpoint, I'm looking directly at you when I say that.) Story is one thing but 10-15 minutes of nothing but people crying is unwatchable in ANY genre.

[FlyStrat]

1 - American eternal cunnilingus scenes
2 - Perfect big plastic boobs
3 - Gay scenes
4 - Bad acted connecting scenes
5 - Non perfect big plastic boobs

[John C. Holmes]

Don't forget extended butthole gape shots. At what point was that deemed sexy?

[eelcat]

Don't forget extended butthole gape shots. At what point was that deemed sexy?

I have worked with a couple of guys over the years that enjoy the anal gape...and vaginal one for that matter. I know some people don't like and some people do, so this one is subjective. What one finds abhorrent some find sexy. But as for your first and second choices I think we can all agree with.

[Pinkpapercut]

I FF through:

1) Any scene with "acting" and "dialogue" (we aren't here for the drama, folks) or where the guy is doing all the talking and moaning, the girl saying nothing. Female dirty talk and sex vocalisations are a turn-on, male is just tedious.

2) Guys spitting into girl's orifices, usually the girls' arseholes - that's what KY jelly is for, mate - I don't mind it when it's a girl spitting in a girl-on-girl, but the only male bodily fluid that should be in a porno aimed at a straight male audience is a squirt of spunk at the end. I zip right past.

3) Female ejaculation scenes - usually obvious fakes

4) Guys pissing on girls [see point (2)]

5) The presence of a condom

Don't forget extended butthole gape shots. At what point was that deemed sexy?

Now I absolutely love extended butthole gape shots and put them into slo-mo or loop mode - it just goes to show that one man's meat is another man's poison

[Sharkhunter]

I agree with most of the comments here. Skanky women, models being treated like shit and made to take anything up any hole, gagging, and scenes that just last too bloody long. Fake tits, tattoos, models who don't care, ugly blokes, cameras focussing in on flopping balls... I could go on.

Simple, a good old-fashioned fuck followed by a facial does it for me. Yes, I'll admit to like facials - though again this is something if overdone can quickly turn cheap.

[method]

Where to start! I like my stuff vanilla i guess.

1: choking and spitting on the girls, puling them open, etc.
2: fake tits
3: shaved bushes
4: rubbers anywhere
5: pissing

I could go on.

[method]

Simple, a good old-fashioned fuck followed by a facial does it for me. Yes, I'll admit to like facials

That about sums it up!

The only benefit todays erotica has is that most every scene ends up on a girls face. And i am down with that.

[Oswald]

1). The "director" speaking from behind the camera.

2). The (deliberate) over emphasizing on the male body and face.

3). Gangbangs where the female is just a peripheral object and the scene is more about males encouraging (via yelling and shouting) the others males to "f**k the b*tch harder".

4). Stoned/disinterested/bored actresses.

[mark1970]

That annoying tosser Ben Dover.
Any ATM scene

[John C. Holmes]

Belladonna in anything, nuff said.

[Aubrey]

Buffoonary - mostly prevalent in German films (otherwise my favourite type), though the worst I ever saw was in a porn version of the film "Les Visiteurs," which I suppose was French. This basically means slapstick, though it covers more, as well.

Any shot that goes on for too long.

Any scene that goes on too long.

Any "One type of action" that goes on too long: I once saw a film that was all handjobs. After the first 10 minutes, to make sure, I think it lasted about 5 more as I FF'd all the way through, stopping every now and then to check that it hadn't changed. But it would be the same with anything, I think. The ideal film has a bit of everything.

The "Vinegar Strokes" shot (though this is usually - and mercifully - short).

Scenes of plot-making that go on for a long time, especially in a language that I don't understand. (I did not use to like plots at all - in fact, I once got a letter in the Guardian saying that plots in porn films were the reason why God gave us the FF button (my best ever, that) - but the VEF has shown me the error of my ways. Plot adds to the atmosphere; and without atmosphere no film - of any type - can get anywhere.)

The bozo talking behind the camera, as if he thinks that he is the reason why we're watching. And, is that Harry S. in the £xcus£ M£ vids? Jeez, what a creep!

[Office Boy]

Weak come shots-especially if the girl is gorgeous-what a wasted effort.

facial scenes when the man is about to come. (We're not interested in that)

Aggressive handling from the men on the women.(Like round the neck)

Lack of interest from either performer. (If they're not interested, it is likely you won't be either)

Men banging away making it look as though he's got only 5 minutes, but the scenes lasts for ages.

[tabler]

Things that make me press FF/Skip is...hmm usually being pissed and pressing the wrong button!:rolleyes:
Or when Casey Jones (a steamin and a rollin) is just to get to an excting part...I just have to ff in case the thrill makes me do white wee wee!

[bnrslyr]

1. Close up of dudes face
2. Scat
3. Too much of a dude giving chick oral. I don't want to see some dudes scruffy and nasty beard and face.
4. Too long blowjobs.
5. Gaping wide assholes. After anal the chick or dude pulls her butt apart, I don't want to see her damn colon.

[cuminmyass]

God where to start.


Plastic barbie doll types

spitting

gagging

forced rough stuff

blow jobs that last thruogh three different time zones

men making noises like monkeys

totally obvious fake boobs

films that are full of anal

etc etc etc

I agree TOTALLY with all but the last part about anal. But nice job anyway.

[Mal Hombre]

I agree about buffoonery,some idiot gibbering in front of the camera and also about men eating fur pie but women doing it...

[Leg10n]

While I agree that nearly everyone who has posted here has a valid point compared with other evils on the screen these are minor. If I am unable to find the remote control I have to restrain myself from throwing the nearest heavy object through the screen when I hear
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