What`s your typical day like ?

[MaxJoker]

Hey and don`t say eight hours too long :D

Now most might not be that interested in their fellow forum members typical day but i am , for one thing reading it will help pass the time while my brain unfurls ,and for another it might help show either how diverse our lives are away from this forum or how similar ?.
Me i get up and if it's a typical day i`m hopefully alone , as although i`m in a relationship i`m also trying my best to do the bare minimum required to maintain it.
Feed the always demanding cat and myself , usually sometime fried but the cat mostly gets her`s from a tin .
Coffee , then go out into the hall way down six flights of stairs (Not going to risk being trapped in a lift with small talk) to check the snail mail. It`s one of those pigeon box things and a pain in the ass to visit especially as i might see a neighbour or three and since none of them are attractive it`ll be an effort on my part having to return their "Good mornings" .
Anyway back to the kitchen and if i`m lucky i've got a few bills to read while i have my second coffee (These are in pints by the way) , occasionally i get something from readers digest telling me i`m only a single book purchase from being entered into a hundred thousand pound draw , i just thank my stars for being such a preferred customer of theirs eventhough i`ve never bought anything from them ever and i've only just recently moved in.

Been nagged about not having a flat warming party , i say just torch all the ones underneath , mine`ll get warm soon enough

Still with the fan mail out of the way i then switch on the old laptop and check my new emails , while listening to phone messages from people wanting to know if the work i was supposed to have sent them last Friday is going to arrive at their desks this Friday, doubtful ?.
So i coast around here for a couple hours or so as the cat zooms back and forth through the rooms having taken a dump and feeling much lighter . Then i usually have work arriving by scooter that i`m meant to deal with which means a third coffee is needed .
Won't bore you all with the actual work details as i`m rambling on enough, plus it`s nothing spectacular as i`m not a drug dealer or pimping out Ho`s , anymore.
Afternoon well and truly arrives and i`m so hyped up by now i can do four things at once , answer my e-mails , write on here , work , and fart .
Around this part of the day somebody either comes round to disturb and annoy me (So much for move away to get away) with their personal stuff , lately it's been to drone on about what their new babies need , but i get enough of that from the CSA so i tend to show those grinning visitors the door. Also i sign out of here and either go find some food , or go meet someone who wants me to do more work , whatever the case i usually still end up with the bill.
Back by six-ish and i notice my old laptop has frozen again because i forgot to turn it off , again. Check the cat`s alright , she`s normally passed out in an exertion induced coma but soon opens an eye and her mouth if she figures i`m five feet from her latests tinned fav gourmet , think she likes it because it smells the worst , female cats , go figure ?.
Evening arrives and i toast the night with a pint that`s not coffee and my nervous system shudders in shock , last few months i've worked a second job various nights and on those ones i can`t really go beyond a certain level of alcohol poisoning and have to leave it at just the one or two (Bugger).
Around dark-dark i head out and if the wind blows behind me make it back to Casa del Skull by eleven-ish-ish-ish . Then it`s proper work through till around three or four am , unless i`m distracted by the cans in the fridge or the never understanding dame turns up as then all bets are off and pistols at dawn.
Well that`s my sort of typical day done and dusted , give or take several hours more or less .

Would be interested in hearing about anyone else's.

Remember the best ones go into a prize draw at the end of the year , which is then locked :D

[Drella]

I wake up at 6-ish in the morning, watch The Golden Girls, and cook breakfast (usually ham and cheese on toast and coffee), feed my cats (Roman Polanski and Kinski, respectively), go to class, grab a sandwich and mingle a bit, check my e-mail/visit forums, do lab research until 9 or 10 at night (usually texting/reading as well, since it consists largely of hours upon hours of monotonous EEG sessions), come home in time to have dinner, feed my cats again, study/finish assignments, grab a shower, and watch The Golden Girls until I fall asleep.

It's a pure coincidence that my life revolves around the Golden Girls; it's the only thing on when I wake up and virtually the only show on when I go to bed.

[MaxJoker]

You don't say at what time you get up , or the cat's name which tells a lot about you and the cat - I think we need to know..

Naaah probably only you ...

During the week i get up about half seven or eight hence the need for so much Devils piss i guess , and she`s called Biscuit

Thanks for sharing

http://img148.imagevenue.com/loc368/th_39466_godfather_l_123_368lo.jpg (http://img148.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=39466_godfather_l_123_368lo.jpg)

[Estreeter]

Since i have a job with strange work hours, i work for 4 days for 12 hours then get 4 days off, so my workdays consist of getting up at 4pm, stating work at 6pm and finishing at 6:30 am, then i go home get to bed about 8am and sleep.:mad:

But on my 4 days off, i barely sleep, after finishing work on the final morning i drive down to my small farm, for 4 days of peace, check on my horses, check around the property and pay any attention to anything that needs it. If all is fine then i jump onto this forum, a round of golf, make some meals for a few days, work on my Mustang or if the weather is OK i'll get to the beach once in a while. That takes care of 4 days then back to the first paragraph. :cool:

Ps, there is usually a bottle of whiskey in there somewhere :cool:

[Leprechaun]

9.00am:
http://img170.imagevenue.com/loc934/th_40793_cranky-early-morning_122_934lo.jpg (http://img170.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=40793_cranky-early-morning_122_934lo.jpg)
I wake up and check if I'm still alive.

9.30am:
http://img219.imagevenue.com/loc106/th_40856_toilet_man_122_106lo.jpg (http://img219.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=40856_toilet_man_122_106lo.jpg)
I go to toilet ... I'll spare you the details ...

10.00am:
http://img263.imagevenue.com/loc347/th_41668_pixie30311SBL_468x487_122_347lo.jpg (http://img263.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=41668_pixie30311SBL_468x487_122_347l o.jpg)
I visit the supermarket and meet my likeable neighbours ...

11.00am:
http://img149.imagevenue.com/loc179/th_43670_benchpress9uc_122_179lo.jpg (http://img149.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=43670_benchpress9uc_122_179lo.jpg)
Time for my secret Tibetan monk special meditation technique. You need years of practice to learn it.

12.00pm:
http://img143.imagevenue.com/loc793/th_47296_SantaExhibitionist_122_793lo.jpg (http://img143.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=47296_SantaExhibitionist_122_793lo.j pg)
After meditation I'm searching for social contacts...

12.02pm:
http://img243.imagevenue.com/loc25/th_47722_2096761286_fb3ceb718c_122_25lo.jpg (http://img243.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=47722_2096761286_fb3ceb718c_122_25lo .jpg)
I find a social contact - this is Sgt. Powell!

13.30pm:
http://img264.imagevenue.com/loc422/th_45089_jogger_122_422lo.jpg (http://img264.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=45089_jogger_122_422lo.jpg)
Time for jogging!

13.40pm:
http://img208.imagevenue.com/loc36/th_45213_fanny_urinal_122_36lo.jpg (http://img208.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=45213_fanny_urinal_122_36lo.jpg)
Time for reanimation!

14.15pm:
http://img265.imagevenue.com/loc592/th_45363_horse_fell_asleep_after_sex_122_592lo.jpg (http://img265.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=45363_horse_fell_asleep_after_sex_12 2_592lo.jpg)
I visit VEF and download some porn.

15.00pm:
http://img214.imagevenue.com/loc509/th_45425_lunch_122_509lo.jpg (http://img214.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=45425_lunch_122_509lo.jpg)
Finally ... Lunch!

15.15pm:
http://img259.imagevenue.com/loc48/th_45931_asleep_122_48lo.jpg (http://img259.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=45931_asleep_122_48lo.jpg)
Another very effective Asian meditation technique. It's called 'Ho Ly Dreaming Poop'.

16.00pm:
http://img134.imagevenue.com/loc1124/th_46592_older-man-flashing_0esp10519_122_1124lo.jpg (http://img134.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=46592_older-man-flashing_0esp10519_122_1124lo.jpg)
I'm searching for more social contacts.

16.02pm:
http://img230.imagevenue.com/loc98/th_46894_police7arrest8120907_122_98lo.jpg (http://img230.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=46894_police7arrest8120907_122_98lo. jpg)
And meet Stgt. Powell's colleagues!

17.30pm:
http://img217.imagevenue.com/loc497/th_48098_20080604_famine_122_497lo.jpg (http://img217.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=48098_20080604_famine_122_497lo.jpg)
Dinner!

17.45pm:
http://img41.imagevenue.com/loc735/th_48362_MGD07InternetPornCostume_123_735lo.jpg (http://img41.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=48362_MGD07InternetPornCostume_123_7 35lo.jpg)
I earn some money with my new part-time job.

23.00pm:
http://img170.imagevenue.com/loc934/th_40793_cranky-early-morning_122_934lo.jpg (http://img170.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=40793_cranky-early-morning_122_934lo.jpg)
I go to bed and hope that I'm still alive tomorrow.

[Estreeter]

15.00pm:
http://img214.imagevenue.com/loc509/th_45425_lunch_122_509lo.jpg (http://img214.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=45425_lunch_122_509lo.jpg)
Finally ... Lunch!

17.30pm:
http://img217.imagevenue.com/loc497/th_48098_20080604_famine_122_497lo.jpg (http://img217.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=48098_20080604_famine_122_497lo.jpg)
Dinner!
.

I had exactly the same thing, took me 3 hours to prepare :D:p

[Leprechaun]

I had exactly the same thing, took me 3 hours to prepare :D:p

Yeah, especially this damn pea! You live on the hillside too?

http://img223.imagevenue.com/loc110/th_50394_233339611_ad12287911_122_110lo.jpg (http://img223.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=50394_233339611_ad12287911_122_110lo .jpg)

:D

[Estreeter]

Yeah, especially this damn pea! You live on the hillside too?

http://img223.imagevenue.com/loc110/th_50394_233339611_ad12287911_122_110lo.jpg (http://img223.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=50394_233339611_ad12287911_122_110lo .jpg)

:D
No, i went to put in in the pot to boil, dropped it and could not find it, then when i did i put it in the pot and i forgot to tun the stove on, anyway after i realised i lit the stove then it boiled, then i could not find a plate to put it on so used a straw to suck it out of the pot then it got stuck half way up the straw. I didn't have any scissors to cut the straw open so i just orderd a pizza instead :D

How's that for a typical day GreenSkull and Leprechaun

[MaxJoker]

It`s Saturday six thirty pm and since it`s happened twice now that makes it typical in my book , i`m having to do what most men are seemingly on earth to do =Wait for women .

Only i don`t just have to wait for her to get ready , i first have to wait while she lays on the bed and watches three hours of Pop Idol . Named so in my opinion as it`s about a panel full of pap who want to be worshiped as idols ,and so formed a show where they get to take pops at singers who dead would have more talent than them alive !.

You know what i`m seriously thinking the Date knows i`m on this forum and read how much i dislike old Melt Face Simon Cowell ,and is using this as a way to get back at me for refusing to give her a key to my flat ?.

Fack now she`s going on about how brilliantly talented the guy who just screamed a pedo song or something and that she wants to see him in concert ? ! ?

Just asked me "Who my favourite singer is" , and i shouted back "I don`t care" , she responded with "That`s because you don`t like anyone "

Now an advert for The Duchess is on supposedly and she said we should rent it out , yeah right that`s gonna happen .

Hey i like lot`s of people , just because i don`t introduce her to all of them doesn`t mean they don`t exist . Plus i think it`s taking me enough effort having to meet all her dopey friends without pushing my own into the heady mix of tedium .

Why are men so tortured ? :(

How the hell does anyone stand being married ??

She actually tried to get me to see the film Milk the week before , really this whole thing is not working out .

I need a drink fast ;)

That`s another thing , she knew i was coming to meet up and then we head off but is there a single alchohol drink in the place ? , nope , not even a sherry for christs sake !.I tell you life is tough , man and don`t get me started on last night .Had to bare nearly three hours of comic relief and at the end of it i didn`t get any relief myself , and i`d hurried back from my second job (Though not an actual job in any real sense ) to see her. I`m telling you friends one night stands are feeling more and more appealing right now.

Just shouted out that she likes Adam Sandler the best , does she mean the lame actor or is one of them in that freak show called that ?.

Either way the answer can only be dull and depress me more .

Men need physical contact with women it`s a biological fact , and i just saw a very hot blonde with an arm tattoo singing another pedo song and can`t stop thinking about her , also now want to start going on about her to piss my Date (Let`s call her Becca ) off.

"Hey why don`t you look that good ? " :D

Relationships always start out so well , and when i write relationships i of course mean sexual shenanigans . But then she get`s to know you and feel more comfortable in our devotion and the frequency drifts away like a sinking radio.

Never cheated but i can understand all too well those men that have ;)


Walked back through and the full group is together on screen miming yet another pedo song , made sure i pointed out that fact , along with me now having a favourite


Megan Joy

http://img158.imagevenue.com/loc441/th_57420_003_123_441lo.jpg (http://img158.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=57420_003_123_441lo.jpg)


But have been told she may get voted off , which`ll be a bugger , then again i can always go on about her all night as that`s what i did in revenge last weekend , hell and then began a thread !

http://www.vintage-erotica-forum.com/showthread.php?t=58370

Right sod this for a game of soldiers i`m off to the pub for at least an hour , nobody tell me the result when i get back K

[ranger690]

get up at 10 am o my homehelp get me out of bed then then put the pc on and that me till 12 and homehelp put me to bed o and take 25 pain pill a day that my day

[Simo]

Quite pleased with myself for concentrating on the paper work all this afternoon , think if i do another few hours tonight and spend the weekend and especially sunday fully focused on it i should have cleared a good two thirds before monday. Just a pity i didnt do this a month ago as i could have used this weekend to relax a bit. As for my typical day well thats difficult as every day is a bit different, on average i see about 25 people during morning sugery suffering anything from angina and piles to anything inbetween.Then after that i deal with the repeat prescriptions ,mail and call backs .Sometimes im tabled for home visits and if so i head out as that can take up a large part of the early afternoon , then its a quick bite to eat and evening surgery starts.If im lucky thatll end on time and after sorting out more repeats and calls i will get home around 8.30pm , having as usual missed the family dinner and any discussions about what my two youngest got up to at school.So i have a pint with my supper and tell the wife my troubles ,then if im feeling really energetic ill pop in some ear plugs and go plow through the latest medical updates until i get to bed. only if im unlucky with the draw two nights a week ill be on call which can really put a dent in your sleep patterns ,although sometimes i have to do three nights which doesnt just dent them it cracks them.

The joys of general practice :)

[buggeration]

Wake up. Have sex. Work. Home from work. Sex. Tea. Lots of beer. Bed. Sex. Sleep - pretty average, really.

[MaxJoker]

Last Sunday

6.50am - Get up later than I wanted
7.00am - Rush to wash and get dressed
7.15am - Put food down for the still sleeping cat
7.19am - Leave without having anything to eat or anything proper to drink
7.23am - Arrive on pavement and look for my ride that’ll take me into the country to help in clearing out a friend of a friend’s dead aunt’s house
7.30am - Still waiting = Typical !
7.32am - Ride arrives, it’s (Let’s call her Lucy , as that’s her name ) the friend of a friend who’s house it now is
7.46am - We`ve said our hellos and such like and now heading down the road, dry mouthed small talk ensues until
8.00am - When I realize we’re heading closer to the country
8.01am - I ask if she is going to pick anybody else up , she say’s no
8.02am - I innocently ask if the other’s coming to help out are getting there under their own steam
8.03am - I am informed that the other two blokes and one girl have pulled out = Typical !
8.04am - I`m asked if that’s a problem, I say no and smile as thoughts run through my mind (She’s a very tricky one , but is cute and has long dark hair and darker eyes plus there`s going to be just the two of us)
8.05am - Dawns on me that I’m on my way to clear a house more or less on my own
8.06am - Chronic depression sets in
8.07am - Lucy scratches her bare thigh
8.08am - It lifts
8.09am – 9.22am - Light hearted small talk and me avoiding mentioning the fact she’s got nicely toned legs and the shorts she’s wearing were a great choice
9.23am - A dead crow hits the windscreen as the house comes into view , there’s a giant skip on the driveway , i keep my eyes trained on the windows in case Norman Bates twitches the curtains
9.25 am – We’re both out of the car and I’m standing near the boot as i`m expecting to maybe unpack the supplies first (I am so naive ) , she say’s “Let’s go then “
9.26am – I follow, as i’ll always follow if the girl ahead has tasty legs
9.30am - Enter the house of hell with the haunting long deceased cabbage soup smell
9.31am - 9.48am - Checked out the place and learned the relatives had already been through it with the finest tooth comb and that what was left was to be dumped , also discovered there were no window keys and so they all had to remain locked = Typical !
9.50am - Chronic heat stroke sets in
10.00am - Lucy joins me in the dusty main bedroom and asks if i`d like a drink , i say a very milky sweet almost cold coffee would be good around now , she say`s the fridge is empty but that the kitchen taps are working fine so there`s plenty of water
10.01am - Chronic dehydration sets in alongside the heat stroke
10.02am - Lucy apologizes for the lack of choice and that heart i don`t have melts , mind you it was reaching a thousand degrees by then so that could have had something to do with it ?
10.04am - Learn a new thing , that being the bed and furniture came in through the old window (Pre-double glazing) and that if i`m going to get it downstairs i`m going to have to downsize
10.20am - Have managed to find a heavy iron door stop and a bone handled carving knife so stagger back to the hottest room on earth and go to work
10.31am - Have sweated into my jeans and turned my once pristine scanner t-shirt into a second skin , but the double bed is in two halves and the cheesy furniture in handy bitsize chunks
10.52am - Back and forth i go until finally there`s only the carpet left which i get up by use of my plucky knife and sheer Skull strength
10.55am - So thirsty now i head to the kitchen sink and turn the cold tap on full , i`m met with a luke warm trickle so decide against risking it
11.00 am - Find Lucy in the back bedroom going through her late aunts paper work and receipts , her hairs tied back and i can see a look of adorable concentration on her oval face
11.01am - Decide that i love Lucy (Ho ho)
11.02am - Realize it`s just the lack of liquid and grub talking , i shuffle off
11.05am - Now in the second slightly smaller bedroom , there`s a hardboard solid wood bed to dismantle and piles of newspapers and and and well believe me you just don`t want to know
11.24am - Accidentally stand on one of the beds frames and a nail goes through my shoe and into the ball of my left foot = Typical !
11.25am - Pull it out and debate just getting on with stuff
11.26am - Figure i better go clean it
11.30am - Find out there`s no hot water in the bathroom , but after a brief search unearth some bacteria spray which say`s it kill`s 99 known germs , take off my shoe and sock , give the foot a damn good couple of squeezes then several sprays , squeeze again and wipe with the toilet paper that was thankfully there. Cover it with more paper , then slowly roasted it with a few onions and some carrots . Just kidding , and just checking to see if you read this far ?. Man and if you did i owe you and your eyesight more than i can ever repay . Anyway i fix up my foot and use the sock to keep the useless bandage on, then head back to the second bedroom
13.10pm - The basturd room is now cleared but i`ve lost roughly forty pints of water in the battle
13.25pm - Catch up with Lucy who`s still in that room only she`s now putting things in bin bags , our eyes meet
13.26pm - I inquire whether she`s going to go and GET SOME FOOD ! , since by now i've worked out there`s bugger all hiding in the boot that`s edible
13.27 pm - She tells me that we`re (Is that like the royal we`re ?) nearly finished and that there`s no local shops but that she`ll stop at a pub on the way back and treat me
13.28 pm - Decide i hate Lucy
14.00 pm - 15.35pm - The skip is almost full and i've barely got the energy to breath , let alone make a fist as a knackered looking yet lovely Lucy comes past with a single bin bag and gives me a "Keep it up " smile (Little does she know it`s always up when she`s around)
17.06pm - All that i could physically dismantle and trash i have , including myself = Typical !
17.19pm - Lucy has gone over the house and is now praising me for all my hard work , i feel completely dead in every way plus my foot is annoying me
17.20pm - I lie and say how well she did also , and i wonder aloud at how she can work so madly yet still retain her original beauty blah blah blah . Let`s be honest by this time i didn`t know what the fack i was saying . Still she laughed and loosed her hair so it must have been scoring direct hits ?
17.57pm - We pull away from the hot house and i struggle to avoid slipping into a dehydrated , heat stroke , starvation based blood loss coma
18.40pm - Arrive at a pub called The Ship Inn , sadly i died ten minutes earlier but i don`t let on and walk zombie like to the bar with a still smiling Lucy
19.00pm - I`m faced with the worst fillet steak i've ever seen , but desperation wins out so i take a shaky bite . Yes it had been defrosted in the microwave from frozen and from the watery taste of it cooked by the same method. I say a small prayer and have a mouthful of very pale chips , bloody awful immediately springs to mind. Along with the thought "How the crap do you mess up chips ?" , there`s a salad there which i of course ignore. I down my second pint of 1664 and hook the eye of the circus reject who`s passing for a barmaid / waitress
19.20pm - My complaint has been logged and a new order made , i have a pepsi max as since i`ve not eaten for a hundred years i could feel the drink having an effect
19.28pm - Lucy has long finished her salad and fried fish and is nursing a lemonade, while looking at me with total lust. Of course i`m only guessing at that last bit as by now i had collapsed and was being resuscitated by an ambulance crew
19.30pm - My BBQ ribs arrive , it`s the smallest rack i`ve ever seen (And i once saw Kate moss wearing a boob tube in Covent garden) plus yes they`re cold and yet over cooked ???
19.31pm- = Typical !
19.33 pm - Lucy pays for a few snacks from behind the bar ,what she had and what i drank , we leave
19.35 pm - Heading home together , i`m stuffing cadburys in my mouth and crisps not very attractive i know but i`m beyond caring
19.36pm - 8.30pm ? - Hooray home , but booo the street as usual is ,full of cars (Look up)

??.?? pm - Somehow i get a small kiss and hug from Lucy (At least i hope it was her ?) then make it up the stairs to the front door then into the lift , and to the top floor. Can`t remember exactly what happened after i got my key in the door other than i was passing in and out of consciousness all evening with Biscuit patting my fevered brow while feeding me cat snacks and water (At least i hope it was water)

Update

My foot is fine but the sock died
I`m now down to 17 stone (For now)
Lucy has since told the friend of a friend how disappointed she was that there was no place to park her car as she`d have liked to have had a coffee


TYPICAL !!!


:mad:

[Estreeter]

Last Sunday
6.50am - Get up later than I wanted

TYPICAL !!!

:mad:

Too early

[MaxJoker]

Too early


And that`s far too short a post :(

http://img259.imagevenue.com/loc196/th_36643_ET0003Killer-Clown-Posters_123_196lo.jpg (http://img259.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=36643_ET0003Killer-Clown-Posters_123_196lo.jpg)

Anyway where you are it`d be about ten to four in the afternoon , so why worry ?:rolleyes:

[mschaeffer33]

I whack off then I go back to sleep. Then I write for 90 minutes. Then I search for porn. Dinner then back to sleep. TV around 9 or 10 then whack off again.

:cool::cool::cool:

[forgan]

I can't say I have a typical day. Being a screenwriter I work at home, which generally enables me to do what I want when I want. I usually get up at 6.20 am and work 5 or 6 hours/day, early in the morning or late at night if possible. I smoke 30 cigarettes and drink 5 cups of coffee per day. I enjoy visiting the VEF before going to bed, while drinking a glass of red wine. I have a young son and two girlfriends who live in different cities and don't know about each other, which sometimes makes my life a bit complicated. Other than that my everyday life is quite ordinary, even boring when my son is not with me.

[MaxJoker]

I can't say I have a typical day


Guess what i really meant (Without even knowing myself what i originally meant) was a day where if something stupid can go wrong to derail that day it did so

Or in other words those moments where you've either put in the hard graft or leg work then suddenly out of the blue something happens that make`s you think = TYPICAL !


Because personally speaking they've been numerous occasions where i've spent a certain period of time with a woman (Although i tend not to if she`s actually on her period ) and done say a hundred things right (For exaggerated example) during the day or evening , but then just when it's coming down to the final pay off "Sod`s law steps in" and = TYPICAL !

Take late last August for example (Yay finally an example i hear you all cry) i`d taken this girl out (Let`s call her Sarah, as that was and i guess still is her name) spent most of the afternoon with her and it`d gone smooth. Then i drop her off and pick her up earlier that evening and we do the old oriental restaurant bit. We chat , we eat etc .I pay ,we leave . Then we`re heading down the main city centre and there`s this glassy eyed famine relief guy all in red ,with a clipboard and an all so obvious earnest attitude. So i of course try and subtly go around him while pointing out the marvelous cloud formations to my companion. Not that this stops the bloke as he makes a move and heads us off at the pass so to speak , then while closing in fast AND inturupting me he says

"Excuse me ,can i ask a question ?"

I come back with

"You just did "

Ok so maybe my tone was overly aggressive (As she claimed several feet further down the street ) , but i was on a date for Christs sake AND heading for a touch down and any man with any sense know`s never to butt in on a brother`s courting !

Anyway my labored point to all this is those three words set off a chain of events which wiped out all my hard work during that day , not to mention the cost , only i will as that`s just my way = A hundred and twenty three pounds !:mad:

Oh and when i say chain of events i`m talking about the conversation we HAD to have over why i`d said what i`d said etc etc etc

A conversation which ultimately deteriorated and led to a mutually agreed upon division of our original number when i told her (Although a harsher judge might say yelled ?) that "It`s not like those pricks do it for nothing , they`re on commission for facks sake !"

So for want of simple smile accompanied by a hearty "No thanks" on my part (With who know`s maybe even a side order of "But have a good evening " ) i end up out of pocket and really out of Sarah , in fact so out i never even got in !!!

TYPICAL !

:mad:

[brianwp]

Wake up. Have sex. Work. Home from work. Sex. Tea. Lots of beer. Bed. Sex. Sleep - pretty average, really.

Oh, boo hoo! Pretty average? For who..Leonardo DiCaprio? Jeez!

[brianwp]

I whack off then I go back to sleep. Then I write for 90 minutes. Then I search for porn. Dinner then back to sleep. TV around 9 or 10 then whack off again.

:cool::cool::cool:

And you're another one! You write for 90 minutes? Ooooh! A whole 90 minutes? Then you spend the rest of the day sleeping, eating, and waxing your carrot? Aww, poor you!

[tabler]

brian you daft bugger, Ive just snorted tea down my nose!:D

[Leprechaun]

Wake up. Have sex. Work. Home from work. Sex. Tea. Lots of beer. Bed. Sex. Sleep - pretty average, really.

I too want to have so much tea! ;)

[avidfan]

woke up by the kids screaming and shouting at each other
i shout and scream at the kids to be quiet and piss off to school
take lots of tablets
sleep
get woke up by next doors dogs barking
shout and scream at dogs to fucking shut up
tidy up
cook tea
kids and wife eat tea
kids shout and scream and pinch my pc
kids go to bed
wife and i have a couple of hours together ;-)
take loads of tablets
go to bed

or a consise version...

my life is shit.

[mschaeffer33]

And you're another one! You write for 90 minutes? Ooooh! A whole 90 minutes? Then you spend the rest of the day sleeping, eating, and waxing your carrot? Aww, poor you!

I used to write for four hours a day, but leukemia has slowed me down. Plus I get more done knowing that I only have a quarter tank of gas.

[brianwp]

Sorry to hear that! No offense, mate.

[Estreeter]

woke up by the kids screaming and shouting at each other
i shout and scream at the kids to be quiet and piss off to school
take lots of tablets
sleep
get woke up by next doors dogs barking
shout and scream at dogs to fucking shut up

kids and wife eat tea
kids shout and scream and pinch my pc
kids go to bed
wife and i have a couple of hours together ;-)
go to bed

or a consise version...
my life is shit.
Sounds like the typical days I had with my ex and her kids, except kids go to bed part, little buggers stayed up all night hoping to not go too school the next morning:mad:

But since then, all peace and quiet, the way it should be when your alone or with someone:)

[tabler]

Hey Avid, buy your neighbours dog off him, then see how he likes it:D

[MaxJoker]

Next Sunday

1 am
Run through the shanty town streets trying to dodge bullets and remove the burning tire from around my neck
1.10am
Do so but then slip on a banana skin and scuff my elbow
1.20 am
Still crying
1.40 am
Arrive at a main junction and try to thumb a lift
1.50 am
Lose thumb
2.00am
Give up hitching and start walking
2.30 am
Keep walking
2.50 am
Still walking
3.00 am
Arrive at rorkes drift
3.05 am
Given rifle and a sand bag
3.15 am
Ask Caine who his influence was for that accent
3.16 am
Ordered to stand in front of the barricade
3.20 am
Hear what sounds like a couple thousand trains in the distance
3.30 am
See they`re not trains
3.31 am
Shoot Caine and surrender my sand bag
3.32 am
Pointy spears get pointed at me
3.33 am
Swallow my own tongue and pass out
1.00 pm
Wakeup to the sound of bullets and the smell of rubber

Typical !

[TCO95]

Woke up
Fell out of bed
Dragged a comb across my head
Found my way downstairs and had a toke
Somebody spoke and I fell into a dream ...

Whoops sorry, wasn't me
Fell asleep with the radio on.
Let me just change the channel
That's better, a little Kenny G.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

[Estreeter]

Next Sunday

1 am
Run through the shanty town streets trying to dodge bullets and remove the burning tire from around my neck

1.00 pm
Wakeup to the sound of bullets and the smell of rubber

Typical !

Sounds like fun:)
Ya could make a film out of it titled "Indiana Jones and the curse of the GeenSkull". make millions, again, visit Vegas..................:D

[Estreeter]

My dream almost came true today,

Ideally my typical day would be too achieve less than nothing.:)
But I had too eat, so cooking got in the way of that and ruined my dream:mad:

[MaxJoker]

Another Sunday another no funday
Because i once more sit here like a dope , while RO lays in front of the TV hanging on little big man Cowell`s every word .Huh you mean you don`t remember little big man ?, he was a four inch plastic soldier who used to be given away free in shoe stores . See back then a parent would buy a pair of ugly clarks shoes ,and to stop the child understandably complaining they`d received an English variation of those American action figures.

Still i`m getting sidetracked , my point was. What is it with women and X Factor ?. This is the third GF who has been addicted to it , and is once again rooting for the gay singer (Which ever one that is ) . Me i hate X Factor . I hate the whole bear batting aspect of it. The unnecessary search for a new singer, yeah like we`re low on singers here on planet earth . The bullshit aspect of Joe and Jolene public being told that calling a premium line to cast their votes is a prime example of democracy in action, . What else annoys me is the sight of the drooling studio audience , who have one eye on the performer and the other on the motion signs that tells them whether to cheer or boo . God i hate these type of programs , I hate the laziness of them. The money generating reason for their being ,and the stupid idiots who are glued to them. Almost every channel has them and in my opinion the shows are worthless. Worse they help perpetuate the celebrity driven culture that has infected millions of families , and sadly thousands of children.

You see them out there right ?, pale children who`s only dream is to be famous and be paid a great deal to do not a lot. They want to be national heroes , or as we crazily call them footballers . They want to be legal prostitues , or for want of a better word “Jordans” . They want to bring nothing to the pot , and be paid well for it . Man what a thing to aspire to . Did any of you hope to be a clothes horse when you grew up ?, a wannabe well known leech satisfied with being an unthinking statue standing before the flash bulbs ?. I know i didn`t. But then in my day (Shit did i really just write that?) this mindset didn`t exist. Back then there was no Rupert Murdoch or Alistair Campbell , there were no grand corrupter's. Sure there were manipulators and political fraudsters , but the cynicism of slash and burn policies wasn`t there . Or was it ?. Crap maybe i`m too young to remember correctly , if so then blame my rose coloured bum cheeks.


Better still blame my childhood , well i always tend to. But then as far as i can recall i was the only nine year old child to have frown lines .


Actually today was a bleedin head blast (Not the good kind) , and why am I surprised ?. Happens every week , you hack through that Monday to Friday hell with only the firm belief in the upcoming joyous weekend to keep you going . But then it arrives and it`s a cricket bat to the balls situation. So far this weekend i`ve had the noisy neighbour asking me if i banged on his door a few nights before as it looks to have taken a whimsy bit of damage , i of course denied everything ,even that i was myself . Then the washing machine decided to commit suicide by drowning ,and flooded the kitchen. I grated some ginger without concentrating and sacrificed thirty percent of my thumb. I cracked my head on the bathroom cabinet , because for reasons best know to itself it opened while i was over the sink.

My mother called complaining about the Roots complete box set i bought her . Seem`s she never remembered OJ Simpson being in it , and kept insisting the last time she saw it the thing was in black and white which means i bought the wrong one. Course i asked the relevant questions and it soon turned out that back in the seventies she`d had a black and white TV and had only watched two episodes of the show anyway.
Yes the previous couple of sentences were very boring i agree.

Well just expand that by fifteen minutes and you`ll start to appreciate how lovely the phone call was :rolleyes:

What else dampened my weekend ?. Well RO had a browse through my “Still to watch “ DVD self on Saturday and ended up bringing it and every DVD crashing down onto the floor and my CD player , by leaning on the thing (As you do) . Plus she was supposed to cook roast beef for us this afternoon , but forgot due to remaining in a coma this morning . Meaning i had to do it even though she never cooks and i`ve got a swollen bruised hand . So i do so and it`s all ready .I`ve made roast potatoes , Yorkshire and red wine gravy but ...

“Where`s the Horseradish you got RO ? “

“In the fridge “

I search around but there’s nothing in there , except for a jar of tartar sauce

Typical

:mad:

[brianwp]

Gee, that was rough one, GS! I can sympathise with you, buddy. Like today, I had to...well, no, actually I just slept most of the day. But I feel your pain, there, really. In a way. But then again, no, I guess, I don't feel your pain. That's a lot for one day. I'd probably be killing someone after all that. So, look on the bright side..you didn't kill anyone! And you have rose colored butt cheeks! So that's a good thing, right? Sure! You don't have cops looking for you, and all that noise, and that's a good thing. I always enjoy days like that. So, I guess my advice to you would be...just say no. Say no to the day. Drink yourself silly the night before, and just skip the next day. And Bob's your uncle! As far as the wounds go, hey, wounds heal. That's what illegal drugs are for. So it's uphill from here. And your Mom's got her Roots, or whatever, even though it's in black and white...but then again, that's what Roots was all about anyway, right? Sure, much more authentic. Yeah! Alright, alright, you're a little choked up now, I know, I know...no, don't thank me, I'm just that kinda guy, that's what I'm here for.

[MaxJoker]

No not one day it was over a weekend , if it`d all happened in one day i doubt i`d be here now ( With that thought the church bells rang , smiles spread across faces and all Churchill looking babies stopped their tears ).

Also Roots never was in black and white (Although of course the cast is ) she just remembered wrong , probably deliberately as she does like to pull me up on such super important misdemeanors.

Oh the joy of family

http://i37.*******.com/23kvn00.gif

[kingfisher552]

Let's see - up at 5:30, coffee maker goes on. Go online and email my middle son, who is a Marine, serving in Afghanistan. After making sure he is alright, at 6:15, get my youngest up to get him ready for school. He's out the door at 6:45. More coffee, until 7:15, then get dressed and be ready to head out to the post office (I'm a mailman). IMHO, the post office deserves to go out of business. Horrific leadership (micromanagement to the max), and half of the hourlies are useless. Anyway, do my 8 hours there, go home, bang my wife (if the youngest is not around), and play with the dog. Then dinner, Turner Classic Movies, then bed. Except in the summertime - then it's Ducati time as often as possible.

[tobe2165]

6:00am- Oh,crap! I crawled to the kitchen,black coffee,cigar then toilet,bath,breakfast.
7:30am- leave my cave and walk my ass to work.
8:00am- Job.Armed with my video camera,I face the dangerous world of dental cavity,root canal,all kind of Dentistry shit and,from time to time,some CSI stuff:body identification through the teeth in dental arch(looks cool on TV,real life SUCKS!).Some edition and there you go:now the Docs have something to show in their boring classes.
12:00am- I´m starving!
13:30pm- I´m back.VHS to DVD,fix some cables,more video camera and edition,teach some bastard how to use his new,expensive gadget...I hate this shit but the paycheck makes worth it.
17:30pm- Let´s get the f*** out of here!
18:00pm- I LOVE my cave! Cold beer,guitar playing,cigar...Now,that´s Life!
19:30pm- TV,sitcom and sports mostly,and some junkie food.
20:30pm- check my e-mails and it´s PORNO time! Check the others forums and VEF.Save some,post some,friends´ talk,fulfill a request...
12:30am- still porno...NOW,that´s a tight corset!...yeah,babe!...that´s it, pinch that nipple!...masturbation...for Christ sake,Tobe...what a mess!...bath then it´s bedtime.

[widower54]

3:00 A.M, Wake up and shower. 4:00 turn coffee on and get the Computers fired up and go over the days Schedule. 7:30 get the men assigned to jobs. and then from there til 6:00 i work at solving problems. 6:30 home at last shower once more. get in a little telly and relax, the Dogs abuse me and usually asleep by 10:00 and start it all over once more at 3:00. what a boring flippin life

[Ace1965]

Weekdays: Get up at 5:30, turn the TV on and watch Mike & Mike in the Morning on ESPN for about 15 minutes, go take a shower and brush my teeth, leave for work at about 6:40. Work starts at 7am and I go to lunch at about 1pm. Get off work at 6pm. Figure out something to eat for dinner. After eating it's some video games or internet surfing until about midnight. Eat a bowl of cereal and go to sleep while watching tv.

[blondifan]

Something like the first half of this . http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yr3M-fn5xN0

Considering I've had about five friends, including one dear ex girlfriend die in the past six months.

[Oswald]

Wake up at about 9 a.m. - have my ablutions.
9:45 - have breakfast.
10:15 - do laundry or ironing.
11:00 - go out and do shopping.
12:30 - lunch.
13:30 - go online, check emails etc.
17:30 (approx) - have evening meal.
18:00 (approx) - visit VEF, make posts etc.
21:00 (approx) - come off the internet and watch DVDs.
23:30 (approx) - have supper.
01:00 - off to bed, perchance to dream. ;)

I seem to have a lot of time devoted to eating. :D

[MaxJoker]

3am

Yippeee a break i have a break from writing , so of course i sign on here , to do more of the same on a thread i was just about to remove , yeah this one !

I`m in a grumpy mood as i made the mistake a little earlier of starting to take a proper inventory of my work schedule . You can blame a phone for call i had this afternoon for that , i know i do ;)

Point is i`ve worked out that apart from some high risk category F prisoners, my life for at least the next year is set solid and for want of a ruder word buggered (Still with the prisoner theme you see ) . Yet there`s no break out possible since i can`t go back on anything i`ve said i`ll do, as i never break my word .Well it`s an illness of mine , blame growing up watching Kurosawa films.Only thing that’s got me through the last couple of work crazy weeks has been booze, chocolate and caffeine.

Hmmmm really should have put booze in bold type , but it`s too late to turn back now.

Ok so for reasons of interest to nobody i have gone through my schedule as i say , two of which are photography trips so yaaay i have a couple of bright semi easy spots among the drudgery of hard brain squeezing months of slog . Worst part is i`m single and so not getting any , which might lead me to start a relationship with a complete nutter (Stranger things have happened) again.

Erm i`m a bit two thirds cut as i type , hope it`s not overly noticeable ?

Am listening to the Clitheroe kid , while the tv plays rubbish of some kind and my cat’s in the kitchen making a pot of black coffee.

Christ just saw an advert for Citroen containing a manipulated video of John Lennon making it seem as if he`s advertising it , man this world gets more twisted by the hour. Way to piss on John’s memory Yoko !, hope the thirty silver pieces was worth it !.Hah that`s been followed by a trailer for what Katie did next .Man do i ever hate her. Mostly because she reminds me of the sort of people i have to deal with.The sort of people who call me up all the time most every day complaining or even worse praising .People just like Katie fright mask Price . Hollow ghouls with an innate inability to empathize with the human condition ,who’ll then immediately and insincerely turn into your best friends if they think it`ll be of benefit to them :mad:


Anyway back to the schedule (See i try and avoid it even in type) , i`ve calculated the time i`ll roughly need to complete the projects and it works out that provided i can put in nine hours a day for the next three hundred or so days (And all goes smoothly) i should be able to complete everything i`ve agreed to . Meaning those sniping rivals of mine will be disappointed and my prestige will rise , at least from it`s current horizontal position .
Thing is this sort of writing nonsense never goes smoothly as you find your employers tend to change their minds as regular as i change my underwear (Yes almost once a week). That means there’s sudden problems , journeys to be made and re-writes , cheques are withheld , delayed or sometimes forgotten about (Sorry just a flashback to my most recent employer) .

In other words this job can suck hairy ass !

Unless you write something for yourself and it`s a hit , then you`re in gravy .

Gravy ?, hah right now i`d be happy with a weak broth .

Ok ok , yes my babyish self conceited whining about a profession that chose me is embarrassing i fully agree :o

Still if i don`t tell you oh respected fellow members who do i tell ?

As in who do i tell out in fleshworld that hasn`t already heard it ? .

I kid of course , i don`t tell my friends my problems .

Mainly as they never stop telling me theirs and give me the chance to.

Work wrok wkor wokr , this time last year i thought i knew what i was doing (That should have been a dead give away there and then ) . I started agreeing to most things if the timing seemed right. Sort of like a restaurant booker you know. “ Ah a table for eight at 10pm yes yes sir that`s fine, we`ll fit you in , we`ve got a space between 9.50 and 10.20 pm “

Only with this job it doesn`t work that way . Then again it doesn`t work that way with restaurants either as parties arrive late , or some members of it do , leading to unexpected waiting . …………….

Erm what was i writing about again?

Ah yes North Koreas budget deficit for the coming year :cool:


No no no work schedules that’s it , namely mine and their depressing thundering heavy footsteps towards me .

Now a normal person would start contacting commanding officers and requesting they call off their marching armies , but that’d mean i was surrendering , going back on agreements , breaking my word , and not being an noble samurai :eek:

Stop snickering at the back !

Oh you`re snoring , sorry carry on :thumbsup:

Anyway thing is i have no idea whether i`m going to complete everything that`s stretching out before me , but i`m going to do my best to.

Typical (Well i had to write something to keep it slightly on topic)

:eek::eek::eek:

Ps apologies for the above ramble , i would have written it in my diary instead but he`s not talking to me at the moment :rolleyes:

Probably would have been quicker to describe my predicament with this Gif

http://i50.*******.com/25q9mb4.gif

Only unlike that wimp my eyes are staying wide open :D:thumbsup:

[MaxJoker]

Welcome to the world, GS. No, it's not easy, nor has it been for all those that have gone before you. But for one thing, I know that with the intelligence you have, if you didn't think it was advantagious for you to stay with the company or position you're with, you would have already left them. So here you are. Nobody ever said it would be easy. But assuming you're with a reputable company, your efforts will not go unobserved. You're in the pink, assuming you're with a company with benefits. In stqark comparison, I am not. I am a business owner, (whoop de doo!), and I have no benefits whatsoever. Your intelligence and hard work will eventually be recognised and will bear fruits, in the form of advancement, better pay, benefits, and security. I only wish I had your problems.But really, don't stress..it will all work out just fine.

Appreciate the words Bri :thumbsup:

Still be rest assured i know life is never easy (Unless you`re born a Windsor) , mainly as like with 99 percent of the population it`s never been easy for me either. Yet thanks to my high pain threshold and deranged wit i get by ;)

Plus stress i can deal with (Unless i`m sober) , as i learnt that talent from my family . Well it was either that or hang myself on my fourth birthday with a length of red ribbon :D

Also until this particular year i`d handled my freelance jobs (So no benefits i`m afraid )with at least a modicum of sanity .

Nah this year and it`s problems lies square are my misdiagnosing FORMER doctors feet , he led me to believe i was seriously unwell (Physically not mentally , as that`s a given) and that eventhough i didn`t feel it i`d start to towards the end of this year. So i took on all sorts of future contracts thinking i`d be well and truly laid up by December and would need to store up cash .

Turns out i`m deficient in a vitamin , hah which is a bit of a different diagnosis to his and the deaf consultant i sadly picked ,which included me having my chest cracked and pulled open and my heart scored :confused:

NHS best service in the world , uh yeah right :mad:

Ps
Just so everybody knows how lame my life is right now , i actually take a break from work by coming on here and helping moderate you bunch of irredeemable reprobates :D

Man all this and i`m starting a diet tomorrow !

Aaaarrrggghhh :eek:

[MaxJoker]

Well it's a Saturday evening and i`m a relatively healthy sex crazed male , so what do you think i'll be doing for the next few hours ?

Yes that's correct i'm putting in data entries for the county council ,as that's yet another job i stupidly accepted.

Low pay for high levels of concentration .

Telling you tonight's gonna rock alright !

[MaxJoker]

" Danger Will Robinson , Danger ! "

I have been partaking of alcohol for the last two hours and so am even more open than usual , as in verbally at least.

But then i`m always that way since i figure " Why the hell be closed off , and anyway in a hundred years who`ll give a shite ?"

Mind you i could also say in the next five minutes who`ll give a shite ?

Anyway this is sorta my typical day , as in the clock strikes six and i try and relax a bit since i've spent the last how many hours writing and fending off texts - calls and e-mails .

Yeah it sure is great to be wanted .

Except none of them actually want me they just want something from me , and in the case of my employers after getting it they still aren`t happy.

Seems they get disappointed at me not being able to read their sudden mind changes , of course if i could read their minds i`d have retired long ago to the caymens with their pin numbers :thumbsup:

Telling you fellow forum-ers i really should quit working for others and start writing that ultimate novel of mine that`s bubbling away in the back of my warped mind , and i will.

The day after i either win the lottery or pull the perfect bank heist :cool:

Shite up a rope this has become a rotten blog hasn`t it ?

How embarrassing :o:o:o

Then again i don`t get embarrassed since i figure in a 100 years , oh wait stop me if you've heard this before :rolleyes:

Alright so i`m 36 and have been single since boxing day , not good .

Women drive me insane and although i made myself a promise that i`d quit them for a decent time i`m beginning to get very jumpy . So much so that i`ve even been thinking about asking this woman out i have had several social contacts with. But then she`s 30 and so in my book much older than me , plus she has two children under five , and holy shit if i ask her out and it goes well i could find myself being some kind of father figure ?.

Father figure ?, me ?

I can barely look after myself let alone two precious priceless impresionable children .

Arrrggh but Lucy their mother is soooooo cool ( Sorry i am opening my seventh can , but hey we`re all adults here right ?) and pretty damn cute . Although she is a blonde and i`m more inclined to the burnettes . Hell what am i saying , she's got two kids for gods sake !.

And still ?

I don`t know , what can i say even i have noticed she obviously likes me .

But still ?

Me a father figure ?

Christ with the three stone i`ve put on in the last year i haven`t even got a figure .

- GS shakes his head to vibrant some sense in it -

Oh no i`ve now spoken about myself in the third person on a crummy thread that`s turned into a shameless blog !


Am now going to get my eighth can .

It`s ok it's 1664 , which is hardly even alcohol .

Erm ok i might ........ have a problem :o

Just learned i have been sitting on my right leg all this time which has been folded under me , and went to sleep as a result.

Meaning i almost fell across the coffee table and head butted the TV (Television that is , there's no transvestite in the room with me don`t worry) as i lost the power to walk. Well ok that`s not really true , it`s just my right leg was totally numb and i fell over .

The cat is once again shaking her head and starting to pack her chew toys up since i believe she has decided to leave me .

Better go open a packet of food for her , and that other can for myself .

Only have six 50cl cans left

Typical

See can i stay on topic or what !

;):thumbsup:

[snowy25]

i have no routine at all except for one thing. i have to be online at midday to chat to my girlfriend who is working away in siberia and doesnt get home until around 8pm her time.. thats it. before and after its all about how i feel. i might go to sleep at 10pm or i might go to sleep at 6am. i eat when i feel like it and have no set pattern. i might go shopping if i can be bothered or i might just order the stuff online to get delivered the next day.
i really should get a routine because i dont think my current lifestyle is actually mentally or physically healthy.

[MaxJoker]

I dont think my current lifestyle is actually mentally or physically healthy.

Well you joined this forum so mentally at least i`d say you were ok , mind you who am i to judge :rolleyes:

[MaxJoker]

Day seventy three

Still no sign of land , run out of water and the taste of my own feet has become a bit samey .

Ok that’s not really my typical day .

Still I have been suffering AS IF i was adrift on the ocean with nothing for company but a rumbling stomach , salt water and well chewed feet.

Look it’s one thing to decide that you’ll concentrate on other things and put the internet aside for awhile , but to have it forced upon you by a shit modem or as I prefer to think of it , a shit service provider , is JUST too much !!!

Virgin media are crap , there I said it.

Sure their delightful Indian accented service team are friendly enough , of that i have no complaints. Mind you having said that the fact that the first woman on the end of the line i spoke to seemed more interested in the weather in England than trying to help me out with a product i had and was paying for did get me clenching my jaw somewhat.

And you know me , whenever my jaw starts clenching it can only mean one of two things.

Either i`m chomping on some BBQ ribs , or some fool is going down HARD !

Meaning i had to let the woman know i hadn’t called Deli to keep her up to date with the cloud formation over my head , but more to do with the fact my cruddy connection wasn’t bleeding connecting and hadn't all weekend !.

Who knows maybe it was my silky smooth tongue , or when i made a point of assuring the dizzy woman i would hunt her entire family down and hack them into tiny chunks if she didn’t sort out my trouble ?

All i know is a total dick turned up today nice and early , with a slack faced expression and a new modem

Erm which he didn’t give me :mad:

Nope he checked out the modem i had and wouldn’t you know the bugger worked , seemed the problem isn’t with it .

The problems with Virgins signal .

So he went .

Then so did my connection .

Muther Trucker !!!!!!!!!
:mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:

This is being typed while i wait for yet another engineer to call .

Not that i`m going to answer if he does arrive , no i`m justing going to lean out of the window say " Oi " and then drop my laptop onto his upturned face :mad:

They assured me at twenty to ten that i`m on priority call, and it`d be at most a three hour wait .

Course they didn’t say from when.

For all i know it might be a three hour wait seven weeks from now ?

Although they have credited my account £15 for my trouble.

Yipppeeee , now i can afford to put the deposit down on that loaf of fancy pre-sliced bread i dun been a looking at .


£15 !

Such is life.

It’s 16.41 pm :mad:

Better keep a look out , the helpful technician will surely be here any moment.

Yeah right

:mad:

Ps

I`m only online now to tell you this as i`m resourceful , attentive and diligent.

In other words a mod :D:thumbsup:

[Oswald]

Virgin media are crap , there I said it.


GreenSkull, they are not the worst according to this report.

The UK's worst broadband provider.

Orange has been voted the UK’s worst broadband provider in a new survey.

uSwitch.com’s 2010 Broadband Customer Satisfaction Report found that despite broadband bills being lower than last year, and speeds faster, broadband firms are failing to deliver when it comes to customer service.

Just six out of 10 consumers told uSwitch.com they were happy with their provider’s customer service and there is a widening gap between the best and worst provider.

O2 came out on top in the survey, winning 10 out of 11 categories including best value for money, best customer service, best technical support and best quality of connection.

Some 92% of O2 customers say they were satisfied with the service. It scored 93% in the value-for-money category, the highest score in the survey. Plusnet and Sky came in second and third places respectively.

Meanwhile, Orange was ranked bottom in eight categories, with just 44% of its customers happy with its customer service. AOL and BT also fared badly for overall customer satisfaction, with almost one million dissatisfied customers rating BT worst for value for money.

The survey found that broadband is cheaper than last year, with the average annual bill down to £167 from £175. Meanwhile, the average speed received by customers has increased from 4.2Mb to 5.7Mb.

Matthew Wheeler, communications expert at uSwitch.com, says: 

"This is not rocket science. The continued success of O2 shows that an excellent service does not have to cost the earth. Its broadband service is one of the cheapest on the market but its customer service is head and shoulders above its rivals."

[Nobody1]

http://img124.imagevenue.com/loc256/th_15000_The_Dude_122_256lo.jpg (http://img124.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=15000_The_Dude_122_256lo.jpg)

[MaxJoker]

http://img124.imagevenue.com/loc256/th_15000_The_Dude_122_256lo.jpg (http://img124.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=15000_The_Dude_122_256lo.jpg)

Normally at this point i`d ask for your autograph Dude , but then i hate to ask for anything .


-Groan-


My typical day lately has been to try and insulate myself from some crazed lesbian mad woman who seems to hate me because i never tried to hit on her ?

Taking on professional photographic work , but then having to hide the fact i only have a £99 Kodak digital camera .

Batting away long overdue writing stuff deadlines by lying like a son of a bitch .

Although to be fair my employers are all sods anyway so i guess if i lie to liars it sort of balances out the universe , or something .

Also dieting , as in i`m on a diet .

Uh huh it's the perfect diet in fact since i have discovered a way to go without everything pleasant about eating , yet still not lose any weight .


Plus i have a GF (Yes yet another one to cause me much suffering , ear ache and knob neglect ) , but this time she's actually older than me !!!

Well by three months , although in male terms that`s like seven or fourteen years older.

Is in my book anyway.


Ok , pamphlet.


Today i weighed myself

Had a cry

Went out and bought chocolate , then got drunk.


Hmmmm sounds like a typical day alright


;) :thumbsup:

Oh wait a minute i didn`t punch a coppa .


Bugger :mad:

[fleetwood77]

I wake about 3pm -

I become aware of a hideous smell and a terrible itch and wonder if I've shat the bed.

I realise the dog has climbed up next to me on the bed and is alternately snoring and farting and that the cat is under the covers and has given me fleas again .

I smoke and drink tea

I start to worry about disease and dying

I go to the supermarket in my ancient car for dog and cat food and cigarettes and tea.

I fiddle with the ancient car, aware of the jealous glances of the poor people at the nearby bus stop waiting for the next "loser cruiser"

I get out my petrol strimmer and do some "gardening"

I try not to strim any dog shit as the resulting brown spray does nothing for the complexion

I switch on the computer and have a look here to see what bollocks I posted the previous night.

I watch whatever Japanese movie I downloaded while I was asleep - if it's a dull movie I watch an old Indy 500 on Youtube at the same time.

I look at the business pages and worry about my money.

I think about getting a replacement woman but worry that she will want to spend my money

I post more bollocks here

I go out for more cigarettes.

I lie in bed with the dog, reading and smoking.

I fall in to a drugged sleep when it seems safe enough to do so

[MaxJoker]

http://img154.imagevenue.com/loc368/th_09015_2913347000086879385gDVTgw_fs_123_368lo.jp g (http://img154.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=09015_2913347000086879385gDVTgw_fs_1 23_368lo.jpg)

[Estreeter]

http://img154.imagevenue.com/loc368/th_09015_2913347000086879385gDVTgw_fs_123_368lo.jp g (http://img154.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=09015_2913347000086879385gDVTgw_fs_1 23_368lo.jpg)

http://thumbnails29.imagebam.com/11056/d207fc110559756.jpg (http://www.imagebam.com/image/d207fc110559756)

Now I'm jealous, You get 2 and I have to settle for 1 :(
What's your secret :confused:

[MaxJoker]

http://thumbnails29.imagebam.com/11056/d207fc110559756.jpg (http://www.imagebam.com/image/d207fc110559756)

Now I'm jealous, You get 2 and I have to settle for 1 :(
What's your secret :confused:

Two :confused:

Don`t forget the babe taking the photo mate ;)


As for my secret , well what can i say :confused:

Maybe it`s just that i know how to treat women the right way :D


http://img266.imagevenue.com/loc370/th_61341_tshirt09_123_370lo.jpg (http://img266.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=61341_tshirt09_123_370lo.jpg)

:thumbsup:

[keefriff]

http://img154.imagevenue.com/loc368/th_09015_2913347000086879385gDVTgw_fs_123_368lo.jp g (http://img154.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=09015_2913347000086879385gDVTgw_fs_1 23_368lo.jpg)


Two girls and a little head! I'm impressed Greenskull! :thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:

[theequestrian]

My typical day? It's a lot like my typical night, only brighter.

[Mal Hombre]

Two girls and a little head! I'm impressed Greenskull! :thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:
Nothing wrong with a little head especially from two girls:D

[MaxJoker]

My typical day? It's a lot like my typical night, only brighter.

Well that`s fortunate ,otherwise you`d have to invest in a torch or something .

[MaxJoker]

Correspondence trying to make me despondent :(

http://img269.imagevenue.com/loc396/th_59912_SNAPS003_123_396lo.JPG (http://img269.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=59912_SNAPS003_123_396lo.JPG)


This tasteless mess which always fails to impress :(

http://img219.imagevenue.com/loc795/th_59935_SNAPS027_123_795lo.JPG (http://img219.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=59935_SNAPS027_123_795lo.JPG)

Contractual obligation :mad:

http://img256.imagevenue.com/loc186/th_59936_priest_1_590x408_123_186lo.jpg (http://img256.imagevenue.com/img.php?image=59936_priest_1_590x408_123_186lo.jpg )

Yet even as i finish the one before there`s another right behind compounding my frustration :(

[MaxJoker]

Today all i have mainly done is try and get my cat to get used to my new place (To no positive effect) , eaten a lot of sausages with ketchup , drunk at lot of full fat coke , shot the shit with friends , thought about excising , flipped channels and then completed two and a half hours actual work.

If only every day could be so productive :D :thumbsup:

[billybunter]

While BB always tries to smile, 2011 has been-shit. I was in rehab for booze, my small business has crashed. I was at the doctor's today. I am depressed and she knows it. Go to the job centre and see what is on offer she said. Wise words I thought; I am not going to starve yet, but I need to get my arse moving. I'm a coded welder, good with metal and want to do something. I was amazed at the job centre. I was only out of work once in my life (well twice now) You "signed on" I was escorted to a booth and asked what I could do. I was told in the nicest way by the girl, there is know work:( it is a bad situation when people with skills are told to bugger off. Albeit in a nice way. Jane was very helpful and nice, gave me her card etc. But no interview for a job.

[MaxJoker]

While BB always tries to smile, 2011 has been-shit. I was in rehab for booze, my small business has crashed. I was at the doctor's today. I am depressed and she knows it. Go to the job centre and see what is on offer she said. Wise words I thought; I am not going to starve yet, but I need to get my arse moving. I'm a coded welder, good with metal and want to do something. I was amazed at the job centre. I was only out of work once in my life (well twice now) You "signed on" I was escorted to a booth and asked what I could do. I was told in the nicest way by the girl, there is know work:( it is a bad situation when people with skills are told to bugger off. Albeit in a nice way. Jane was very helpful and nice, gave me her card etc. But no interview for a job.

Sorry to hear life`s currently twisting your nut sacks Bill :(

Do you have your tools etc about ?, because you could always have a stab at being a metal artist (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metalworking) . The interest in metal works has only increased recently due to the number of Muslims arriving to our part of the globe. Seriously those people can`t get enough of it :thumbsup:


Just a thought anyway :o


Here`s another one :D

You`ve got a female doctor :confused:

How does that work :eek:

[MaxJoker]

Alright so maybe this isn't typical , but it is something that makes me go " Arrrgh Typical ! "

I ordered a charger for my old laptop (Not this one) , got it from eBay. Was meant to be a British seller but the guys a Chinaman who obviously speaks through an Online translator.
It arrived quick enough so no problem. Yet there is slight problem as the input is 1.2A and i ordered 1.5A. But it works so sod it. Was cheap enough and i`d rather cut my giblets off than have to converse with that yellow peril again.

So i charge up the old Toshiba warhorse .

That to be fair has always been a pain between the cheeks , and sadly when i switched it on i learned the sodding thing hasn`t changed it`s ways.

For some damn reason the letter B and N no longer function.

Still i can work around it .

Only something else is wrong with it , something major ! ,the thing won`t recognize any site as valid and only by forcing the issue and ignoring all the false warnings could i eventually sign into Yahoo.

Nothing else will open though , so i can`t transfer any of my vids onto facebook.

I`ve got a shit load of photos that i can transfer laboriously via yahoo but bloody hell.

Look i`m not tech but does anyone know of a way to move saved vids from one laptops desktop to another laptop ?.

I`ve tried memory sticks but the old bastard won`t accept them.

Also the disc drive is dead.

I guess it`s really on it`s last legs.

Have to somehow save those vids though as they`re ones i filmed of my mother at Christmas etc etc.

Suppose i could always take it into a shop :confused:

Only i never like asking for help if there`s a slight chance i can figure the problem out for myself.


Although granted this post is a cry for help kinda :o

Hey if anyones got any ideas as to what i could try let me know :thumbsup:

Oh and if anyone doesn`t even understand the question i`m sending out into the member masses , then erm join the club as like i say i`d damn near computer illiterate :o


Damn technology :mad:

:D

[Estreeter]

I ordered a charger for my old laptop (Not this one) , got it from eBay. Was meant to be a British seller but the guys a Chinaman who obviously speaks through an Online translator.
It arrived quick enough so no problem. Yet there is slight problem as the input is 1.2A and i ordered 1.5A. But it works
Either you were real game plugging it in or you got some real professional, educated, fully qualified advise from an idiot :eek:

Umm, On topic

A non work day

I get up.......time varies
I curse the world and like most bloke , fart and smile ;)

Eat :cool:

Do whatever :confused:

Eat :cool:

Do something else :confused:

Eat and forum :cool: depending if Miss E is home :(

Spend quality time with........:(

Eat dinner :cool:

Spend quality time with........:(

Miss E goes too bed usually between 8:30 and 9:00 pm so back on forum :cool:

Eat :cool:

Still on forum and watch TV :cool:

Eat :cool:

Bed, usually between 3 and 4 am ;)

[MaxJoker]

Either you were real game plugging it in or you got some real professional, educated, fully qualified advise from an idiot :eek:



Heeey i got the best man in his field to help me out with the overly technical details :mad:

After which time he then went back to the day job ;)

http://thumbnails46.imagebam.com/15381/d24a9d153801795.jpg (http://www.imagebam.com/image/d24a9d153801795)


Actually i guess i`ll just have to take it in somewhere as i don`t know how the hell to get the thing working right so i can access those vids :(


Better make sure i remove anything raunchy stored on there though.

Only because i wouldn`t want to get the IT guy all steamed up :D

http://thumbnails34.imagebam.com/15381/a6481b153801798.jpg (http://www.imagebam.com/image/a6481b153801798)

[sparky10]

Alright so maybe this isn't typical , but it is something that makes me go " Arrrgh Typical ! "

.....

look i`m not tech but does anyone know of a way to move saved vids from one laptops desktop to another laptop ?.



:D

Easy....

Give up with old laptop
Take out hard drive
get a USB adapter or external drive enclosure, both are dirt cheap on eBay
fit / connect hard drive
connect to other computer
locate and copy files

[shodan2011]

My Monday to Friday

1. Get up about 8:30 am
2. Let the dog outside; whilst he's taking a piss make a cup of tea and some sort of breakfast (whatever cereal I can be arsed to buy, or some toast)
3. Get washed, dressed and have my first cigarette of the day
4. Take the dog a walk
5. Look for job on the net (which is becoming an increasingly laughable experience when you discover that there's at least 100 people applying for every job you can possibly apply for)
6. In order to stave off insanity whilst job searching, log on to VEF to save said sanity and smoke some more ciggies (usually roll-ups)
7. Eat lunch
8. Take the dog another walk
9. Carry on job searching, whilst doing anything else to distract from the mind-numbing inanity of said job search (carry on smoking roll-ups)
10. Check the local papers for vacancies; usually completely pointless
11. Realise I've had enough of hunting non-existing job vacancies and play a computer game
12. Have evening meal
13. Have a quick browse of VEF
14. Watch some TV
15. Put DVD on (yep, more roll-ups here)
16. Masterbate like a rabid monkey
17. Go to bed to sleep

And so the cycle goes, week after week. It sounds depressing, and it is; but at least VEF brightens the day. At least I have my health! :o I may be unemployed, but I'll be buggered if I give the fags up. :thumbsup:

[MaxJoker]

Nazi pigs kick me awake ,
Hose the dried vomit off my chin ,
Drag me out of the cell ,
Shielding me from the big bellied women who have waited outside the dent covered locked door ,
I`m thrown into a taxi , while people curse my name,
The driver stops where he`s been sent and tosses me into an Internet cafe,
Owner of the cafe ,who like the taxi driver has been pre-paid ,sits my barely alive corpse in front of computer screen, pours cold coffee down my dry neck , rams jump leads in my manly bottom , shocks me almost alive , googles this site , types my user ID ,steps away from the inhuman carnage that is me with his fingers crossed and hopes for the best.
Somehow in the dying embers of what passes for my mind i remember the password.
I sign in.
Then begin to Mod

As you do ;):thumbsup:

[GailFan]

There's been alot of changes to my life over the past couple of months, but basically this is my daily routine:

6:18 Get up, get some exercise for about 30 - 40 minutes
6:50 Have breakfast, read the news
7:00 My employer has two offices, one close by and one far away. If I'm at the nearby office today, I'll browse the Net for 30 minutes. Otherwise, I get my arse in gear.
7:30 Have a shower, brush my teeth, get dressed.
8:30 Arrive at work.
11 - 12 Have lunch
5:00 This is when I try and get out the door. It doesn't always work that way. Esp when I'm at the far office, it can take an hour get get home thru traffic
Usually once or twice a week I'll go shopping after work and perhaps get some petrol
6:30 - 7:00 Have dinner, take a shower while its on the stove
7:30 - 8:30 Watch TV
8:30 - 9:30 Internet (usually porn, but not always :) )
9:30 - 10:30 Brush my teeth, go to bed. Sometime read before hand.

[billybunter]

My routine has changed since I last posted, a bit. I rise before 8.am if my sleep pattern is good. I take 30 odd pills and drink some orange juice. Sometimes the pills make me sick. That I really hate. I'll watch news on mainstream media, then power up "the beast from the east" I then read the real news. Check my e-mail maybe check on here to see if i'm still allowed to log in. If i'm hungry I make some eggs or kippers with toast and tea. Pre 2010 I had whiskey or brandy for breakfast, so it's good to be normal. After that I wash, dress, have a crap and do any chores like washing dishes etc.
I stopped looking for a job when Drs told me I couldn't work due to ill health. But I check the papers everyday. After that I make music on my little 16 track porta-studio. I generally try to keep my mind active, I play chess and snooker against the beast, of late i've been kicking its arse. Rarely bother with lunch, then I read and listen to the pile of new records I never get around to. Eat a small evening meal, watch ten o'clock news and laugh at their lies, then retire when i'm tired.
If her nibs is not working then it's plan B. Whatever she wants to do. I drive her to shops, buy her lunch and wine. Then she cooks for me. I sit on my arse and let her rustle up some gulaq fair. Only joking, she makes very good fish and chips.